Working Moms or Stay at Home Moms-The Never-Ending Debate

All women face the dilemma of getting back to work or being a stay at home mom after their maternity leave ends. The decision is not easy and your head and heart are never in sync. Many of my friends leave the kids in a day care or with the mother or mother in law and go to work. There are some who decided to quit work and spend time with the baby. Each to their own and I do not think anybody has the right to comment on a mother’s choice.

The Decision

Some mothers make a conscious decision to be with their children as they grow up. If they decide to be stay at home moms and stay with their little ones and not leave them to maids or burden their parents with the responsibility of the kids, it is their choice. Yes, they are not earning mega bucks but what they get in return is priceless. They can see every little thing the child does. This does not mean that their education was a waste. They, on the other hand, might be able to bring her up more intelligently making more informed choices.

On the other hand, there are mothers who leave their children with maids or in a day care. That is their choice. Their career is important to them or they think their income will help them give a better future to their children. Again, it is their choice. Or may they were not in a position to make a choice and working was a compulsion. This does not make them a bad mother who is running away from her responsibility. This also does not imply that they cannot handle a house. I can imagine taking a decision to leave the kids with someone else and yet ensure the best for them would have been the toughest decision for them ever.

The Common Factors

Apart from the fact, that they both are moms both a stay at home and a working mother have some points in common.

Guilt

They both are always guilty and are doubting their decision. A working mother is upset about the child being closer to the maid and a stay at home is guilty of giving too much attention to the child making them dependent. The reason behind the decision each mother takes is different and they all at some point will question their decision.

Boredom

Both mothers get bored. The working mother gets bored from her daily mundane routine and struggling to spend some time with the child. The stay at home mother feels she is just feeding and cleaning the child all day and is incapable of having an adult conversation. For some being a stay at home, mom is depressing. Working around the routine of a child does get boring and tedious too.

They are Judged

Anything a mom does, she will have many behind her judging her choices. A mother has to give explanations to many. As I said earlier, everyone has their own reasons for making a choice and no one should ever question a mother.

(You might like to read our post, Stop Judging a Mother, She Was Born New Too)

Overwhelming

A full time working mom is overwhelmed as she feels handling the baby and the boss is not easy and she cannot do it. Also, the stay at home mom schedule is boring and she feels she has had enough and handling the baby and their tantrums is not their cup of tea anymore. Both the mothers know how it feels to be stressed and exhausted.

Change the Decision

Both the mothers will think the grass is greener on the other side and they should start working or quit working. The fact is that each side has their set of problems and they all are fighting a battle. Being mom in itself is a tough job.

Both Love the Children

One thing that is common to both is that they both love their children unconditionally. At the end of the day, whatever choice they make is for the child only. Some want to give them time whereas some want to secure their future.

Reading about who is a better mother or who will raise a better child is very disappointing. No mother would ever think bad for her child. It is their choice and their circumstances which lead to them making a decision. If you are a working mother or a stay at home mom, always remember

• You are doing the toughest job in the world when you are a mother so if you stay at home or are working it does not matter
• Do not bother about what society feels and says. Do what is good for you and the baby
• You will always be guilty and only the reason will differ. Do not stress.
• Ignore the judgments people make. Do not get affected and just be a happy mother bringing up a happy baby
• Both the paths have their challenges so never think you took the easier way out or the other one has better

(You May Like to Read our post, High Time We Stop Judging)

I am a stay at home mom. There are days where I love everything that I do with my daughter, and then there are days when I want to also get ready, pick up my laptop and go to work. I also feel I could do something more constructive with my life and not sing nursery rhymes all day. Then one look at my daughter and seeing her trying to walk, I know I am enjoying the most beautiful thing in my life and I have no regrets.

“Being a mother is about strengths you did not know you had and dealing with the fears you did not know existed”