The Pressure to Breastfeed: When I Understood Fed is Best

It is the breastfeeding week. I am sure every new mom understands and knows how important it is for her to breastfeed the baby as that is the best food for the baby. During pregnancy, we all hear, the breast is best, but we also need to know Fed is Best. As a society and as women, we need to also understand that there are times, in spite of all efforts, breastfeeding cannot be done or does not happen. It is not a crime and please do not make the mother guilty of being a failure.

During my pregnancy, my husband and I went for birthing classes. We were repeatedly told how important a normal delivery and breastfeeding was for the baby. I was mentally prepared to do the right things and never in my wildest thoughts I thought that I could have a problem with BOTH. Though I had a smooth pregnancy, I had to go for an emergency c section at 34 weeks. That went off well. The baby was rushed to the NICU as she was pre-term so the first time, I actually held her was after 15 hours.

The Struggle

The baby was fine and was responding well, but now started the struggle. The struggle to breastfeed. The nurse in the NICU asked me to start pumping to ensure flow, and we will gradually get the baby to latch. The first time I tried breastfeeding her, she refused to latch. The nurse pressed my nipples so hard and then I tried pumping, I was in severe pain and started bleeding. That did not seem to be a cause of worry to anybody because everyone wanted me to feed the baby.

I still remember the day I could not manage to pump any milk, and I sat in the hospital room crying as if I had failed as a mother. It was hurting a lot but still, I was trying. 48 hours and I was a failure. This was not the only time I cried. I felt miserable and I remember crying so many times, but now no one knew about these outbursts. There were nights when I would sit in my chair with a pump in one hand and wiping my tears from the other. Never had I imagined that the moment I had waited for so long would push me to the verge of depression.

Visitors

The baby was on formula and we brought her home. I still tried feeding her at every feed. And then started the bigger fight. Every visitor we had wanted to know how was the feeding going. Why? How is this a point of concern for anyone? I felt the world knew I was a hopeless mother. I was given umpteen home remedies and breastfeeding tips and trust me, I did all. Lactation granules to cumin water to fenugreek to ghee to cracked wheat and whatnot. In no way, I wanted my angel to be a deprived child. I remember how I tried feeding her and then would sit with the pump trying to get a few drops of milk.

Forget the visitors her pediatrician also kept saying how I have to feed her. Why was everyone thinking I did not want to feed her. They all thought I was being lazy and did not want to feed her. Obviously, I was not the right mother material for them. I cursed myself and prayed to God to please help me feed my baby. Those were very stressful days and I started feeling averse to the idea to feed her. I saw no point in even trying. I went to a lactation expert and followed all breastfeeding tips she told me. We improved in terms of her latching, but supply was still low.

Life-Changing Thought

We managed a month like this. In my head, I was a bad mother. The time when I should connect with her, I was not even concentrating on her. All I was thinking was, hope she gets some milk. The breastfeeding issues were taking over and refraining me from enjoying my baby.

After a month, while talking to a friend, she told me how giving formula to a baby was fine. Google again came to my rescue. Now instead of searching for how to increase milk supply, I searched for I cannot breastfeed. I read how Fed is Best. It was natural for moms to be not able to feed and for proper growth, you must ensure the baby is well fed. It was not uncommon to have breastfeeding issues and thus, what matters is the baby and its health. Less supply is only one of the issues a mother faces. You can read about other breastfeeding issues faced by mothers.

(You may like to read our post, Misconceptions About Formula Feeding)

Visitors
The baby was on formula and we brought her home. I still tried feeding her at every feed. And then started the bigger fight. Every visitor we had wanted to know how was the feeding going. Why? How is this a point of concern for anyone? I felt the world knew I was a hopeless mother. I was given umpteen home remedies and trust me, I did all. In no way, I wanted my angel to be a deprived child. I remember how I tried feeding her and then would sit with the pump trying to get a few drops of milk.

Forget the visitors her pediatrician also kept saying how I have to feed her. Why was everyone thinking I did not want to feed her. I cursed myself and prayed to God to please help me feed my baby. Those were very stressful days and I started feeling averse to the idea to feed her. I saw no point in even trying. I went to a lactation expert and did everything she said. We improved in terms of her latching, but supply was still low.

Life-Changing Thought
We managed a month like this. In my head, I was a bad mother. The time when I should connect with her, I was not even concentrating on her. All I was thinking was, hope she gets some milk.

After a month, while talking to a friend, she told me how giving formula to a baby was fine. Google again came to my rescue. Now instead of searching for how to increase milk supply, I searched for I cannot breastfeed. I read how Fed is Best. It was natural for moms to be not able to feed and for proper growth, you must ensure the baby is well fed.

Supply is not the only problem a mother can face. Some are able to sort their problems whereas some are not able to and end up giving formula. You can read some breastfeeding stories here.

Happy Baby and Mummy

The advice and the research changed me and my thought process overnight. Now we would try feeding for 15 minutes followed by her bottle. She was a happy baby and so was her mother. I now refused to pump as it depressed me. There was a lot of pressure, but now mummy was in control finally. No one knew how I had struggled to bring her to the world and now nothing was coming in between us. We played, sang nursery rhymes, played and did not stress about mummy’s milk. She was fed and was growing well. When someone asked how is the feeding, we said all good. We are both on mother’s milk and formula. Everyone was quiet. I was now enjoying motherhood.

(You may like to read, Fed is Best: Best Baby Formula in India)

Enjoy Motherhood and Remember Fed is Best

For all the mothers out there, who cannot breastfeed, do not feel like a criminal. Motherhood is not about breastfeeding. It is about enjoying your baby, be content and living and enjoying every moment. Do not lose precious time with the baby. They are amazing and they can give you immense joy every minute. Do not doubt your ability to be a mother. A few drops of milk do not make you an amazing mom. Remember the mantra, fed is best. Just ensure the baby is fed well and is gaining weight as per the charts and reaching milestones.

Like a C-section is not the easier way to give birth, not being able to feed is not a crime. (You might like to read our post, C-Section- I Did Not Choose the Easy Way Out) A mother is a mother for her life. We all need to be empathetic and considerate to a new mother. Let us not shame her if she cannot feed. Try and help a new mom in every possible way, after all, she is born new too. For those who are able to feed, please continue to do. It is undoubtedly the best thing for your baby. Else remember, Fed is Best.

HAPPY BREASTFEEDING WEEK!!