A few days back at a social gathering I overheard the conversation of a group of middle aged ladies. They were talking of some girl they knew who was recently blessed with a daughter through a cesarean. They made it sound as if she had committed a crime. If she was guilty so was I. I wanted to go and talk to them but chose not to because this was not the first time I heard this. Many times, people around you also say things intentionally or unintentionally which make it sound you did not give “birth” because you had a c section.
One of the most transformative things that happen to a woman is giving birth. There is nothing called as your life once the nurse hands over the little bundle of joy. This is something no one will differ on but then why do people judge the way in which a woman gives birth. A cesarean or as we call it a c sec is not the easy way out. It takes a lot from a woman to deliver through a c sec.
There can be many reasons why women have to give birth through this unnatural way, auspicious time, not wanting to go through the birthing pain or may be a medical emergency. No reason can mean she was lazy and chose a short cut. Sometimes doctors advise for their convenience or for money, but you still cannot make a woman feel guilty. She goes through the surgery and bears the pain only for her baby.
During my pregnancy, my birthing classes and even today there are some very baseless things I hear about a c sec. I went through one at the 34th week of my pregnancy because my baby showed no movements. I do not think I had an option or I chose the easy way out. It was the question of my baby, and nothing else mattered in the world. Let me talk about the most ridiculous things people say when they hear about c secs.
You Cannot Bear Pain
I had an emergency c section and most of the times people have that. At the time of an emergency, the mother is not even bothered about the labor pain. She wants to just ensure her baby is safe. This was something which was not a part of my birth plan and not even once had I wished it to happen this way. This was a decision my doctor took, and it was in my interest to agree with her. Pain of any kind is the last thing a mother thinks of when it is the question of the safety and well being of her baby.
You Have Not Given Birth
How does it matter how did you get the baby? You become a mother the first day you feel the baby. You love this little thing even before you see him. Your definition of love changes when you hold the baby for the first time. You are a mother and it does not matter how you became one. There is nothing natural about the birthing process. You feel the pain which cannot be compared to any other pain humans can feel. Both involve different kinds of pain and thus, to say you have not given “birth” is an insulting statement to make.
Recovery Is Easy
The recovery in both cases I feel is difficult but let us think of it in this way. After any surgery a human undergoes, be it major or minor, they are on complete bed rest and take all kinds of precautions. When a mother delivers via a c sec, she gets no time for resting as she has to be there for the baby whenever they want. A mother has to be very strong and has to walk the next day to ensure she recovers well. Walking for the first time after the surgery is very painful but is the best thing to do. The way you do everything changes as you cannot put any stress on the stitches. My abdomen at some points today also feels numb. I do not understand how was the recovery easier.
Bonding is Not There
How is it possible that a mother cannot bond with her child? After seeing her for a few minutes I could not get to see her for the next 18 hours. No one will ever understand what I went through. It might take some days for a mother to feel the bond, but this is one of the most beautiful bonds in the world and it grows with each passing day. My love for my daughter who I gave birth to through a c sec is no different from a mother who gave birth naturally.
You Should Have Chosen Not to Have the Surgery
If you had an accident and broke your bones, will you not go to a doctor? This is a situation where the life of a mother and her child are at risk. I went to the doctor because I did not feel any movement. She did not come home to check. When she was not happy with the situation even after 24 hours how could I challenge her decision? I don’t think I had a choice to say no to a c sec, maybe I could have asked for some time, but had something happened to my doll, who would I have blamed. I had no choice!!
For all the mothers out there, I want to tell you three things which you might have or have not realized:
You Are Brave
Going for a surgery and getting ready for it is not easy. The moments when you are in the operation theater alone getting an epidural or if you know your partner would not be there, is one of the worst and most lonely feelings ever. The OT is chilled, and a would-be mummy has to just think of her baby and not let any fear take over which will mean bad for the child. We all have a vision of our birth process during pregnancy and letting go of that needs a lot of guts.
You are Solid Like a Rock
The whole idea of getting ready and going for a c sec needs you to be very strong. You have so much in your mind at that moment. Your birthing plan has failed, your baby might be at risk, the anxiety and the actual surgery. They all can play havoc in your mind, but you need to remain cool and positive. Physically and emotionally we all have to be very strong and continue doing so for all our life for the sake of your child.
You may also like: My Mind When I Went Through the C-Sec
Your Scar is God’s Gift
Your scar does not make you less beautiful. It is a reminder how strong you are and how beautiful your baby is. This was a door you opened for your child to walk into your world.
We mothers have a strength which can only be matched by another mother. How we give birth does not matter at all. We cannot change the mindset of people around us but all c section mothers, a big round of applause from my side. All you beautiful moms, you look gorgeous with the scar and you know it and so do I, we did not take the easier way out. We chose what was best for our baby. Always remember,
“Birth is amazing, no matter how it happens”