Why Advice for New Parents Needs to be Filtered?

The only thing that comes free in the parenting journey is advice for new parents. When it comes to new parents, they get it in abundance, without even asking for it. In my four years, I have got too much and there is no sign of it stopping anytime soon. Everyone gives parenting advice and the art is to filter it. Most people wish well but it is also true that you might not be able to use it or all. Each parent, brings up their child in their way. Read my post to know the various parenting styles. Many times, the advice does not go with the parenting style and thus, it needs to be filtered and used.

Why everyone has Advice for New Parents?

Everyone who has a baby or knows of one, thinks they are parenting experts. Advice for new parents comes in freely as everyone thinks they are new entrants with no experience and need all the best tips and tricks to bring up their child.

The fact is that though most of these suggestions are well intended, the new parents might not like it. To maintain your mental peace, you have to learn to ignore the advice you do not like rather than losing sleep over it.

It is not a good idea to ignore all the advice for new parents as between the 100s you get, there might be a few which are great and make life easier for you and the little one. There is something that many people do not understand, that the new parents especially the mom does not need the advice they have to offer. I ignored some of it and you can read more about it, in my post, Parenting Advice I Ignored.

Why The Advice is Not Needed?

Yes, you are right, they are new parents and absolutely clueless with what is happening with them. A mother goes through a lot after she delivers. The pain, the breastfeeding, lack of sleep, lack of confidence in her parenting skills and of course, high levels of emotional instability.

In these times, all that a mother wants is reassurance that she is doing a fantastic job. This is the time she has to bond with the baby and the tips on breastfeeding or how to hold the baby and not spoil the baby are just not needed. If you hear that you will spoil the little one, read my post, It is Tough to Spoil Your New Born.

 A mother does not need tips on how to bring up her baby because she will eventually figure it out. What she needs are tips that will make her happy and not stress her and push her to postpartum depression. You should read this brilliant post by Scary Mommy on unsolicited advice.

Advice for New Parents to Stay Happy

Now, I am also human and it is my birthright to give unsolicited advice.  After all, I have managed to be a parent for nearly four years and have not lost my mental sanity so far. I know you are the best judge of how to bring up your child, but I want to share some tips to ensure you are happy and so is the baby. So let us get started:

Being Clueless is Acceptable

When you are reading those pregnancy books and talking to people, you feel you are sorted. As soon as the baby will pop out, you will be the perfect parent. Let me burst the bubble, there is nothing as ‘perfect parent’. All new parents are clueless and so are you. Take it to be the first stepping stone of parenting.

You learn new things every day and all you need to give yourself is time. With time, things settle down and you learn to understand your baby and the way to do things. I am not saying there is no issue after that because now there will be a new phase and you need to start all over again.

I am not scaring you, just saying do not be harsh on yourself and the baby. It gets better with time. One advice for new parents is, all you need to focus on is love your child, feed him, clean him and let him sleep. See this video and I am sure it will make you smile.

Do Not Compare

In the world where social media influences everything we do, parenting is not an exception. You will feel that all the parents especially the influencers on Instagram (no offense please) are so awesome and here you are with no clue what to do with your child.

Do not compare yourself to anyone. Your child is awesome and you are the perfect parent for them. For first time parents, this is the first time you are holding a baby and taking care of all his needs. How can you be an expert at it?

Judging does not help and you need to supportive and not blame yourself. Each stage is new and you will learn the tricks of the trade when you get there. With a strong headed 4 year old, I feel why the hell I stressed on her feeds and poops. They all get their sh*t together.  (Pun intended)

Take Care of Yourself

As new parents, you do not need to ignore yourself. Sleep and health are important. Find a way to get your rest. As the child grows, their schedule changes and you might need to change yours. But always keep a fixed time in the day for yourself and this is not when you work. This is the time where you do what you want to and not stress about parental responsibilities.

Flexibility

Children challenge you as no one does. So you need to be flexible with them as rigidity only increases stress levels. There is a quote I love by John Wilmot, “Before I was married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories”. I think you will know what I mean. With Little Miss A, no standard theory works; we as parents have to work around her moods and temperaments and have learnt to handle most of her tantrums.

Take Plenty of Pics

Now, this is something I want to say again and again. Each day of the parenting journey is beautiful. It comes with its ups and downs but when you look back you will know how lovely it was. And to keep a record, you need to take videos and pictures.

Time flies and all you are left with are these beautiful memories. Often, I look at all pics and videos of my newborn baby, and I cannot even believe she was so tiny. Keep a record of their milestones and the amazing things they do. Trust me, you will never regret it. I make a photo book every year for her, it is so therapeutic to sit and see her pics and be surprised how fast she is growing up.

Conclusion

You will feel she said so much and still she gave advice. I had to give my top 5 advice for new parents just because I want you to be happy. You will take care of the baby but someone needs to take care of you. My tips apply to all stages of parenting and ensure you keep calm. As I said, take advice from everyone including me and filter it. You know what is best for your baby and you. You cannot be perfect so do not aim to be one. As Sue Atkins says,

“There is no such thing as a perfect parent so just be a real one”