Gender equality starts at home and there is no better place to introduce the concept to a child. The role of the family in gender equality is immense and thus, this is one of the most vital topics which need to be discussed at home.
A common question is when is a child old enough to be spoken to about equality of both sexes. Do you think you need to talk about gender quality to your 5-year-old? Are you also of the opinion that the term is for adults and why should kids be spoken to about this?
The answer is, Yes. We need to teach kids at that young age and it is not something exclusive to an adult audience. Gender is one of the first things a child is introduced to when they come into the world and this is much before they even realize it. The first thing a doctor tells new parents after the baby is born is the sex of the baby. Next, the hospital will decide which clothes the baby will wear, blue or pink. And this is just the beginning.
The world has advanced a lot in the last few decades and technological advancements are growing by leaps and bounds. But we still live in the shackles of gender inequality and patriarchy and this is more prevalent in Indian society.
Patriarchy is a very integral part of society and from this stems gender inequality. You should read the post, Patriarchy is Deep Rooted to know how we struggle and why gender neutral parenting is the way forward.
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Why Teaching Gender Equality at Home is Important?
When it comes to kids, you as a parent are the most powerful person. It is in your hands to instill values and teach these concepts to kids. If we can teach kids that both sexes are equal, it is them alone who have the power to bring about this change in the society.
Feminism as a concept must be taught to kids at home and school and from the beginning. You should read the post, Teaching Kids About Feminism is the Need of the Hour to understand why it is essential to talk about it to your kids.
Do you not agree when kids learn about gender equality, they also learn to accept the others and their differences? This is like sowing the seed to be more accepting and giving them the ability to celebrate differences and live in harmony.
Role of Family in Gender Equality
People often call me a feminist. I do not support one sex over the other. But yes, I strongly support equality of both sexes. India, as a country still has a huge disparity in the way we look at men and women. We work on changing the mindset of people who think men are superior to women.
But this is where we are wrong. We are trying to ‘change’ someone. This someone has lived with this thought process for years. He has lived with this concept in mind because of his family and generations before him lived with it.
Tell me honestly, if I ask you to give up on your beliefs, will it not be extremely tough for you. Then are we not expecting too much from someone. It will take a long time to get him to change his thought process and sometimes nearly impossible too.
So you would think, I am happy to continue living in this gender-biased society. No, I am not and I would hate my daughter to live in a world like this. So the solution is, while we try and change the mindset of people, we ensure our kids grow up thinking that both sexes are equal and we do not need to prefer one over the other. By adopting gender neutral parenting and talking about gender equality at home we will save ourselves from trying to change them because this thought will be a part of them.
Read the post, Break the Shackles of Gender Inequality in India: Raise Feminist Kids.
In this post, we will talk about simple ways to create awareness and teach your kids how to be gender neutral and treat the other sex with respect and be more accepting of them.
Ways to Teach Gender Equality At Home to Kids
Last week Little Miss A told me she cannot play with a particular toy because it was blue. I was surprised because this was something we have never spoken about. After probing her, she told me that her friends taught her this. She added, that as she was a girl she should play with a doll and her friend, who is a boy cannot.
These are the thoughts we have shared with our kids and when they grow with such beliefs, these aggravate into bigger things, and then changing them becomes tougher. Teaching kids about gender justice is essential and let us discuss some simple ways to promote an equal childhood.
Let them Explore and Play
Stemming from my conversation above, kids have the right to play with toys they like and find interesting and not the ones they are ‘eligible’ to play with because of their sex.
We slow the development of a child when we curtail their activities. Experts say that toys like dolls teach kindness and empathy which are two very essential things for the emotional quotient of a child. Playing with cars and guns teach them to be adventurous and bold.
Each toy is important for their overall development and there is nothing only for girls or for boys. Firstly, there is nothing like a girl toy or a boy toy, and even if it is, let boys do the girly things and the girls the boys one. As Steve Biddulph says, you have got to raise girls like boys and boys like girls.
Talk to Them
Again coming to my talk with Miss. A, I was confident she was not growing with the concepts of gender stereotypes. As parents, we strongly believe in gender equality at home and we thought she would learn too. But I was wrong, even if I was not talking to her about this, the people around her were.
As a mother, I had to sit down with her and explain how each toy was fun. Then one day she came with a thought that boys drive better and thus, papa should drive the car.
Again these kinds of statements warrants a conversation that anyone can be a good or a bad driver. There is no work that only a girl or a boy can do. Unknowingly, work in a household is divided but sometimes when one person does the other job, kids do understand that anyone can do anything.
Kids always take their friends more seriously and as a parent, this makes it more difficult to explain to them. You need to talk to them and keep reiterating the concepts. In a daily routine, you might not know how to talk to them or approach the topic.
We pick up clues from her books, or her TV shows and talk about how it is normal to like doing boy things. So far this is working well. The issue is that society plays a very pivotal role and teaches them roles for each gender. It is advisable that you at an early age tell them these are wrong concepts.
There are books like No Difference Between Us and Pink is for Boys which can be read to them. You can also encourage them to play with all toys and not limit their play time. Conversations and activities are the best way to teach any concept to a child.
Related post: 20 Girl Toys Boys Should Definitely Play With
Be Their Role Model
Kids like to do everything their parents do because this is where they learn. We are their role models and this puts an added responsibility on us. Kids learn more from what they see than what they hear.
We have to change the attitude of people at home and bring up the child where a certain work is not done by a family member because his or her gender demands it.
For example, I am not extremely fond of cooking whereas my husband is. Miss A knows the day she wants to bake cupcakes; Papa is the go-to person. She sees him in the kitchen but it is mummy who cleans up. Both of us do her work and there are very few things which she knows mummy or papa cannot do. And this is not because of our genders, but because we do not know or do not like to do it.
The concept you have to teach kids when promoting gender equality at home is that everyone has work as per their responsibility and liking. They do the work because they want to and they should and not because their gender demands them to.
Help Them Appreciate the Differences
To live in a more peaceful world we have to understand that people around us are different. When we understand others we learn to respect them.
A basic difference between a boy and a girl is their body and respecting this mere fact is a big lesson for gender equality. Respect is what instills acceptance for others. They have to see the other person’s capabilities and go beyond the gender.
It is etiquette to open the door for someone not because she is a lady but because it is being respectful. Gender is not the issue but being helpful is. We often tell Miss A that if she is sitting somewhere and finds an adult especially an aged person does not have a seat, she needs to get up and offer. This makes her understand that they need it more than her. She understands there is a difference in the need.
Kids are small and these thoughts about respect and help seem to be alien. But they pick these up from sources that are beyond your control. Thus, talking to them, telling stories and reading books will sow the seeds of love and acceptance and respect and this will also clear the concept of gender stereotypes.
Gender equality at home can be taught along with many other values and concepts and this integrated approach helps a lot in gender neutral parenting.
Read Children Books to Break Gender Stereotypes
Be Empathetic and Encourage Them
Feelings are natural and understanding and accepting them is what builds the emotional quotient in kids. Today, EQ is more important than intelligence quotient. In my opinion, it always was but now more and more importance is given to it.
If you want to read more on EQ, read the post, Why Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is Important.
Expressing feelings and helping others express is important. Phrases like, ‘cry like a girl’ or ‘boys do not cry’ are wrong and this curtails their sensitivity. Kids have to be compassionate and empathetic and they are born with these traits. As a parent, you need to help retain these things.
The other day at the park a little boy fell down and started crying. I saw his maid telling him to stop crying because boys should not cry and other kids will laugh. Instead of seeing if he was hurt and needed help, she was repeatedly saying this.
Why should he not be able to express his feelings? Was his crying more important than him being hurt? Will he also not stop understanding the feelings of others?
Understanding the feelings of others is important and teaching the same by doing it is important.
If you want to know of ways to teach these virtues to kids, read the post, How to Teach Kindness and Empathy to Kids
Appreciate Them for the Right Things
Last week in class, my daughter was asked to tell her teacher which character from Ramayan would she like to be. Her answer was Hanuman because she wanted to be strong like him and also because he was a good friend.
Some girls said Sita, because she was beautiful. I loved how her teacher explained to them that there was more to Sita than her beauty and these qualities the parents need to explore with the kids and teach them.
The point is a girl does not have to be pretty and a boy strong. A girl can like to be strong and she does not only need to be appreciated for her beauty. We as parents have to break down these norms and help them widen their horizons.
Let us Promote an Equal Childhood
A child who grows with no pre-conceived notions of gender inequality has the power to change the world and make it a better place. If we all make an effort to bring them up teaching that everyone is equal, they all will grow up in a safer world, where we love a person for who is and not for what he likes or believes in. As a parent, it is our responsibility and we must pledge to help kids and teach gender equality to them at home.
Gender neutral parenting is the need of the hour. Do not forget while teaching gender equality at home you are questioning and going against a concept that has been prevalent for centuries. It will not be easy but if we take the first and the much needed step it will take these kids a long way.
A considerate, empathetic and a confident child who does not let any differences like gender come in their way and their dreams, is what will be able to bring a change in the world. When they bring up their kids, it will be a few generations which believes in gender equality and may this discussion will not be needed.
What are your thoughts about instilling gender equality in your children? Do you try to do any of the above? Do leave a comment and share as I would love to hear your thoughts.
I will end this this post with a quote by Maya Angelou which I love, “How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes”
