Co-sleeping is a choice many parents make but the question that remains is when is a child too old to sleep with parents.
Co-sleeping is one of the most controversial parts of being a parent. Apart from the point if you should co-sleep with your little one, there are discussions about co-sleeping age limit and of course the co-sleeping benefits and disadvantages.
Parenting, sadly, does not come with a manual and there is nothing right or wrong about it. It is common for parents to get unsolicited advice especially if you stay in India. My opinion is that parenting should be intuitive. The parents must do what they feel is right and what is comfortable for the kids and them.
If you are a parent who gets advice from all corners, you should read the post on Why new parents need to filter advice.
When it comes to a debate on co-sleeping benefits and disadvantages, there are many arguments that co-sleeping is not safe. Yes, there have been some incidents reported, but co-sleeping cannot be judged as the root cause. The presence of the parent is not the reason for infant deaths but it is the presence of toys, pillows, alcohol or toxic fumes.
Co-sleeping is a choice that the family has to make and it should not be a result of any pressure. If both the parents are happy snuggling in bed with the baby and when everyone sleeps well, there is no problem at all.
The interview with Co-sleeping expert James McKenna is a recommended read, especially for new parents.
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What is the Co-Sleeping Age Limit?
The simple answer to the question, when is a child too old to sleep with parents, is when it gets uncomfortable for either of them. It is natural that as kids grow up their sleep gets disturbed when they co-sleep.
Space is also another factor that affects the decision. The parents do not get enough space and this has an impact on their sleep. In such cases, it is a clear sign that the kid has to move to their bed.
Age should not be a factor affecting this decision. There is no negative effect on the child if they co-sleep. On the contrary, research has shown that children who sleep with their parents grow up to be more independent when compared to the ones who do not.
If you are feeling the need to stop co-sleeping and need help, this post on, How to Stop Co-sleeping an age by age guide is a good read.
Co-sleeping does not become a habit. How many adults do you know who sleep with their mummies in their bed? I am sure none. Every child grows up and likes to have their space. When the child willingly decides to sleep on their own, they are fearless about it, are happy and have a good attitude towards it. This gives a healthy start to their sleeping habits and they are more likely to not grow up with any sleeping problems.
Co-Sleeping Benefits
Security
A child sleeping with parents does not look for replacement security figures to sleep. He will not be dependent on a toy or a blanket while going to bed. The comfort of the parent is a security for them and the problems to disassociate them with their security figures do not arise then. Teaching a child to depend on things to self-soothe them has an impact on their ability to handle stress later in life.
Independence and Trust
You will hear very often a child who co-sleeps will always be dependent on the parents and will never learn to sleep alone. This means you should start treating the child as an adult from the day they are born. If you decided to make them wear diapers and you will teach them to stop using them eventually, the logic remains the same for co-sleeping.
Many kinds of research have been done and they all show that children who sleep with parents grow up to be more independent. We teach the child to trust the parents and this gives them the confidence to be independent when they grow up.
Family Bonding
When you let your child sleep in your bed, you are showing them you care for them. The child feels wanted and special. The affection they receive while being put to bed and through the night means a lot to them and helps them grow a special bond with the parents.
All she needs your touch at night and she will feel secure. Again, research has shown that the children who sleep with parents have a special and close bond with the parents and are less likely to be rude and disrespectful to them.
More Social
Psychologists have agreed that the children who sleep with the parents are less likely to have behavioral and emotional problems. They are easier to control, have fewer tantrums, are happier, handle stress well and are more social with others around them when compared to the children who do not sleep with their parents.
To know how co-sleeping is good for new parents, read, Co-Sleeping Benefits: Everything You Need to Know.
When is a Child too Old to Sleep with Parents?
The above are my views based on some research articles I have read and thus, I decided to co-sleep. I love sleeping with my angel next to me. As I said there is nothing right or wrong in it. One should do what works for them and what makes them comfortable. The situation of each family is different.
Coming back to our question, when is a child too old to sleep with parents, it has to be your decision. If everyone is getting enough sleep, co-sleeping is recommended to raise emotionally secure children. The sleeping decisions cannot be and should not be taken as per the rule book.
Listen to everyone around you, but do what you think is right. The child will want his own space when he is 7 or 8 and then you will miss the days when you could just cuddle and sleep with the most beautiful baby next to you.
You will be judged as a parent for whatever you do. So trust your mother’s instincts and enjoy your parenting journey with your little one.
