It takes a village to raise a child but fortunately or unfortunately, the village these days is a virtual one i.e. social media. Social media and parenting go hand in hand today but the point is if it is good or bad.
Is social media a boon or a curse is a question raised many times, but have you as a parent thought about social media and parenting?
Social media in the last decade or so has changed the way we live. Our interactions with the outside world are no more the way they used to be. With social media, there are no filters and boundaries and this has had a major impact on our parenting.
I have never been able to understand if the presence of social media in my parenting journey has been good or bad. Honestly, I do not think I can take a stand but like there are two sides to every coin, this one also been a boon and a curse.
Before we head to understanding the relationship between social media and parenting, let us understand how you and I as parents, use social media today.
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How Parents Use Social Media?
From times immemorial, all new parents look for advice from people who are experienced. Our older generations relied on their elders, then there was a dependency on parenting books. All this has been replaced by social media because it is here we feel we are more comfortable seeking advice and there is more probability of meeting like-minded parents.
Being a mom and a blogger, I am a part of many parenting groups on Facebook. I see a lot of conversations and discussions and I feel there are a few ways in which parents use social media. Some of these are:
- Meet parents who have a similar parenting approach and get help
- Get help from experts on these groups or connecting with the best in the field through recommendations
- Emotional support for the times you feel things are not going the way you want them for
- A place to vent out about the child’s problems and also discuss other personal matters
- Connecting with other parents virtually
- Many do this as a part of their work
When you analyze how parents use social media, you would realize that they do this mainly for seeking out advice and get emotional support.
Social Media and Parenting: The Boons
As mentioned earlier as well, all new parents need advice when it comes to parenting. The way our generation brings up kids is very different from the way our parents did. For example, earlier it was a norm to toilet train the kids once they started sitting. In our case, we wait for the child to be ready.
If you are confused as well about toilet training, then you must read the post, What is the Right Toilet Training Age for Your Little One?
Coming back to the point, social media and parenting have a very essential relationship for many parents.
Get Advice
These platforms are a good place to get genuine advice and understand things that you might not be able to in your regular life.
Medical Help
Sometimes immediate medical advice helps many moms especially at times they cannot rush to the doctor. Another way I feel these groups help, is to get home remedies for common ailments. Everyone is conscious of the medicines they give and sometimes if the problem can be cured with natural things at home, there is nothing like it.
If you are looking for home remedies, the post, Remedies for Common Ailments for Your Child, might be helpful.
Emotional Support
Most importantly, these groups offer emotional support which many times is not there at home or from friends too. The fact is people are more confident in sharing problems and even if they are judged, it is by people they do not know and who do not matter.
Social Media and Parenting: The Curses
While the intention behind using social media and parenting was right, somewhere down the line I feel there are more curses than the boons. Is social media a boon or a curse depends on the way you use it and you manage your life with it.
How social media is affecting parenting?
The problems with social media and parenting stem from mere human behavior and attitude and no one can be blamed for it. Social media is affecting parenting and controlling the lives of parents and kids which is why the basic intention has got lost.
Let us talk about how social media is affecting parenting:
We Judge
The biggest problem is that when we are on a social media platform we feel we have got the right to judge people. Being judgmental and not thinking of what we write and what we are communicating has become second nature.
It is shocking to see the kind of comments that are written. Some days back, someone on Facebook posted how she felt helpless as a daughter because her responsibilities as a wife and mother were given priority. I am not supporting or defending the idea where she said it might be good to have sons and not daughters.
My issue here was the comments which questioned her thinking and her upbringing and how it was mothers like her who will raise kids with the wrong values. Firstly, it was a vent out post I think and secondly, we all are entitled to our opinion.
Sitting in our homes, we cannot judge her situation and her problems. She was anyways feeling low and I wonder how all these comments would have made her feel. We all live in different conditions and our thoughts are not right for their situations always.
Being judgmental in today’s world is the root cause of many problems. You must read the post, Parents: To Stop Judging People is The Need of the Hour.
Each mother is different and we have no right to judge her. Each woman is different and no one has given us the authority to say they are wrong and you are right.
You must read the post, 6 Simple Reasons to Stop Judging a Mother to understand why judging a mother is not acceptable.
We Compare
You will find many moms or parents on social media who talk about the things they do with the kids and how they brag about their kids. Some kids achieve their milestones before the others, some who are potty trained at 9 months or some who can sit for hours and play alone.
You can pick up your phone and you can see a child’s performance report complete with perfect pictures.
The problem here is that parents do not share their problems and struggles but just the picture-perfect moments. There is a good, bad and ugly side to everything but on most social media posts we just find the good or may be just the best.
Did you know there is a study which shows when people quit Facebook, they are happier? Social media is known to stress parents because they start comparing their kids and their lives to others, which are portrayed as perfect.
This is the same as watching a Bollywood movie, where they fall in love, get married and lived happily ever after. These lives do not exist and similarly, there are no perfect parents.
We Stop Living the Moment
In the urge to get perfect pictures and videos to post on Instagram and other social media, we are just focused on clicking pictures and somewhere we forget to enjoy the moment.
When the kid is playing with paints and enjoying his messy game, you instead of joining him will focus on getting the perfect shot and then, of course, spend time editing and posting it.
Parenting is a journey where every moment has to be enjoyed. When we start obsessing with posting everything on social media, we forget to enjoy these moments, and when we realize what we missed it gets too late.
We Compromise on Quality Time
Spending quality time with kids is essential for their overall growth and development.
Read Top 5 Benefits of Spending Quality Time with Kids.
Social media and parenting have made us commit our time to the virtual world and reduce the time we spend with our kids.
It has become a habit to record everything that happens and then post it. If you start keeping a record of the time you spend on social media, you will understand my point here. Just imagine, if you reduce this time, you will get the same to spend with kids or just relax so that the time you do spend with them has a calmer and happier you.
We Forget Limits
If you are not one of those, you certainly will have a few people on your networks who share every minute of their child’s day. Parents in today’s age overshare their lives and there are no limits on what we share and if it is needed.
We Create Wrong Impressions
This is my biggest issue among all issues with social media and parenting. The wrong impressions that are created. Parents share the best parts of the day where the child is sitting down doing activities, reading or even playing. And when a mother sees, she is bound to compare with her child who is jumping all over her, has no interest in any activity and is may be watching TV.
The fact is, the latter is the real world and what was shared and what we see is not. Most kids are not that perfect and they all have their times.
This has been more true in the last few months of COVID 19 when we all are locked at home. Everyone has shown their skills and I would not be wrong bragged about it that there are a few for sure who have gone into depression because they feel they and their kids are useless.
Also, we are forcing kids or the people around us to click those perfect pictures. What the world sees is that perfect shot but what goes behind it is 15-20 of those and not to forget some time spent on editing. Parents have forgotten to click pictures for memories but for showing to the world.
We Measure Parenting on Shares and Likes
Last but not the least, when we talk of social media and parenting, the main curse is we have put a rating system in place to know if we are good parents.
The ranking on this system is measured based on the likes and shares we get or may the comments too. Not only themselves, parents start rating kids also depending on how many likes their pictures got.
Your parenting cannot be judged. If you did not have these social media accounts, trust me you will still be the best parent for your child.
Social Media and Parenting: What Is Your Take?
Is social media a boon or a curse will forever remain a debatable topic. If we use it in limits and for the right reasons, social media is amazing. But when we forget these limits, there is an issue. The result is over posting, over expectations, raising fame hungry kids and of course, you leave digital impressions for your child which does have safety issues.
Social media and parenting go together as long as it is for entertainment, emotional support and getting help. When it takes over as an obsession, it poses a problem. Enjoy your moments with your child as this is far more valuable than the likes on their pictures. We should use social media and not be used by it.
Always remember, “Life is not perfect. It is messy and scary. It is beautiful and good. And it is much more than what shows up in our social media feeds”.
Do share in comments what you think about Social Media and Parenting: Is it a Boon or a Curse?
If you want to read some tips to use social media along with its pros and cons, the post, Is Social Media a Curse or a Boon, by my friend Dr. Surbhi is a must-read.
That last picture quote is so true Arushi. I fee no family is social media perfect family . We make it picture perfect by the bond we share.
Social media has definitely changed the way we look at things. There is a pressure of posting, engaging and showing the presence but somewhere we miss out to enjoy that every moment.
So true. Thanks for stopping by
You have rightly and precisely pointed out the advantages and disadvantages of social media, Arushi! Couldn’t agree more. It is upon us to draw a line between what and how much is too much. Also, as you have mentioned, we should use it for the right reasons.
Thank you so much Jyoti. Glad you like the post 🙂
I came to know some awesome points from your post. SM has a crucial effect on parenting also a greater one. Your post is so well crafted Arushi. Loved it.
As usual amazing post and echo with my thoughts. I agree that social media puts a tremendous amount of pressure not only on our parenting but on overall life as well. It may make depress to many parents who compare their real life with social media feed of other person. Making a balance and keep your use for limited period of time is only way to avoid negative effects of SM.
This is such an amazing article Arushi. The way you have put social media and it impacts on parenting from good to bad and everything that is happening in the parenting groups is so true. I am impressed by how systematically you have presented both the sides
I used to see my mom as my walking dictionary. My kids tell me to check Google if I don’t know how to answer their questions. Hahaha.
Its on us how we take it ,In a beneficial way or spoiling ourself with use of social media. I have got lot of help in my parenting through social media.
Glad it helped you. Thanks for reading 🙂
Ahh.. just what comes to my mind when I see people sharing non-stop stories of their everyday life while I have none to share.. I tried capturing moments of my everyday life to be more active but in the process it felt like I am not living in the moment , so I decided to stop… Like everything else social media has both it’s pros and cons, what matters is how you use it.
Yes, I started also for a few days and then stopped. Thanks for stopping by
Before commenting on the content of the post, I must praise you on the immense effort you put into writing such in-depth posts!
Social media definitely has its pros and cons, however, if used in the right spirit and in moderation, I believe its pros can outweigh its cons- whether in the context of parenting or life in general.
I agree the pros are more than the cons only if people use it correctly and in the right spirit as you say. Thanks for reading and the appreciation 🙂
A very balanced and thought provoking post. Loved the points made by you, as a parent our responsibility has increased in this social media age.
Yes, with the advantages comes the responsibility. Thank you for reading 🙂
Parenting in the era of social media and it’s influence is a boon and a bane. Lovely write up
Thank you so much 🙂
Your each word just forced me to ponder that how difficult this digital space is making things for both parent and a child. But with proper use of technology one can over come these loopholes.
I agree. We need to learn to use it properly and not let it take over our lives. Thanks for stopping by