6 Simple Reasons To Stop Judging A Mother

I always tell judgmental people around me to stop judging a mother as she was born new too. In my four years of being a mother, I have been judged by many innumerable times. The people to judge me are the ones who know me and also the ones who do not. Some read my posts and comments on social media and the family and friends, see my parenting style. I always suggest parents especially mothers to stop judging the other moms. It is not about mom shaming but about supporting her, because if a mother does not understand, no one else will.

How do We Judge a Mother?

How much we all would like, babies do not come with an instruction manual. You need to figure out what is good for you and the baby. The mother does not know it all and she takes her time to figure out things. Always remember, no one can know the child as well as a mother does. After all, she knows him for 9 more months, and trust me that makes a lot of difference.

Now coming back to the point how do we do mom shaming and why we must stop judging? Social media is an intrinsic part of our lives and we find all kinds of support here. Motherhood is no different. There are so many mother support groups on all social media channels, and they are flooded with queries and comments all day. Most of the time these are very helpful as you find someone in the same boat as yours and you get a new perspective of the problem. But wait, it does not stop at that. I feel these groups are more like mummy wars than a support group. Rather than helping the other mom or commenting, they start judging and educating others.

I want to say we all are not fighting a war on the India Pakistan border. There is nothing wrong or right about parenting, there are different ways. A mother can be judged for several things and this mom shaming needs to stop. Being a mother to a nearly four year old, I would like to tell all the mothers reading this, you are doing a fantastic job.

Stop Judging and Let a Mom Make Choices

We all make choices and decisions by what we think is right or what suits us in the present situation. How does it matter if I co-sleep or follow the cry out method to sleep train? How does it matter if I potty train at 8 months or 3 years? How does it matter I work or I stay at home? Who cares your child was breastfed or was given formula? You brought a life in the world, now you chose a normal delivery or a c sec, it does not bother me. You went through immense pain both ways, so hats off to you. The list is endless.

Who are you and me to judge a mother’s choice sitting in our homes. We all want the best for our children. Which mother have you seen who will consciously make a wrong choice? Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, and the mere fact you are doing one cheers to you. Unsolicited advice and comments make a mother doubt herself and question her choices. It leads to confusion and disappointment.

(You should read our post, Why Advice for New Parents Needs to be Filtered?)

Why Should We Stop Judging A Mom?

It is ok to talk about the choices and the decisions we make for the kids but we should not make this a rat race. We all are facing our own set of problems and we should support each other, as no one else will ever understand what we go through daily. Let us discuss some reasons why we must support and respect other moms and stop judging them.

We all Are Clueless

A new mother is always clueless and each day is a challenge for her. None of the birthing classes or the What to expect books come in handy. I am sure we all took some time to get our bearings. We learn from experience and from others around us. How we handled our situation is completely our choice depending on what we think works best or will work the best for the baby. If you are a new mom, read the post, Things You Need to Know as  A New Mother.

We Do Not Know the Whole Story

When you see a mother reacting in a particular way or doing something you do not approve of, you are quick to pass judgment. We are not with the mother and child all day so we do not know what has happened. The child must be having a bad day or the mother is unwell or she has her problems and at the end of it she just loses her mind. Sitting in our La La Land, we cannot decide what is right or wrong, so let her be and stop judging and mom shaming.

No One Else Will Understand

Only a mother can understand what the other one feels like. Sleepless nights, feeding issues, postpartum depression, crying babies etc., are only some of the problems a mother faces. Each phase comes with a new set of problems. We all have given up and cried at some point or the other. Another mother in the same boat is the best person to talk to at such times. We need to give support to each other in these times and not give a lecture on right or wrong and simply, stop judging.

This is a Serious Job

No mother is not taking her job of a mother seriously. We become very conscious as we want to give the best to the baby. We read and research and find out solutions to the problems we face. Sometimes we all can lose our temper but that is to protect the child and ensure they get the best. If you think you took a good decision, do not assume the other one is an idiot. If you cannot understand her, keep quiet. We all want to be the best mother to our kids so stop judging and bashing the other one for her parenting style.

(New moms, the post, Tips to Take Care of A New Born Baby, will be very helpful for you.)

Be in Her Shoes

It is a human reaction to judge the other person. But before you judge the other mother, put yourself in her shoes. She also must be facing many challenges with the baby. Life is not simple with a child. Give your support and do not judge them.

No One is Perfect

Each child is different and so is every adult. We all want to be perfect mothers but none of us are. Also, we cannot assume we are right and the other one is wrong. Health and happiness should come in first for every parent and there is no need to be perfect. Your baby loves you and always keep in mind, “There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one. “

Conclusion

Like we give time to our children to bloom, we must give mothers time too. Stop judging and adding stress to the life of a mother. Let us all be in this together, and understand, that we all are in this together and we all will do the best we can. Let a mother decide what is best for her and her child.

Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.

I have often been judged as a mother because I could not exclusively breastfeed, had a c sec, my child sucked her fingers, she co-sleeps and I can give you many more. These are the main reasons I started this blog as I want to tell moms be happy with your choices and your child. Do not give in to peer pressure. And when my blog is featured in the Top 200 Writing Blogs with acclaimed international and Indian bloggers, it makes me feel happy and I do not mind being judged. I am happy I am able to help mothers in a small way. Thanks Feedspot for this.

Have you been judged every for your parenting choices? Please share in comments. I will wait to hear about when you were judged or when you judged and felt bad later. Till then please try and stop judging.