#DecadeHop: My 5 Realizations of the Last Decade

By
Arushi Seth
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143
1453
Decade Hop

When I think back today I do not even realize where did the last decade go? The Blog Hop hosted by Rashi and Manas made me sit down and think about the last ten years. The last decade gave me three people I love the most apart from my parents; my husband, my daughter and my blog. For me, my blog is my second baby and my biggest stress buster.

Looking back, I realized that when the last decade started, I was a very different person. I will not say I was innocent or foolish, but I was definitely living in a bubble far from reality. Marriage brought many changes and the journey of the last decade has made me a more mature person (I would like to believe it ;)).

My journey in the last decade has made me break some myths. I realized some facts which brought about a big change in my thought process and my perspective. I want to talk about the five main realizations of the last decade and how I would want to talk more about them in the next decade to be able to make some changes. I would love to know your thoughts on these. 

Conception is Not as Easy as We Believe

I had a lot of problems in conceiving and those were some very tough years of my life. Doctor visits to tests to disappointments every month and more than 1.5 years of disappointment; those 18 months were not easy for both of us. I am not talking about my issues here but the problem of how society judges you and how there is no support from anyone around you.

Everyone has an opinion about you for not having a baby and many including the best doctors say things that leave you disheartened. Not able to conceive and even infertility is a common issue but there are very few people who like to talk about it. Our movies have created a very rosy picture, but sadly this is not the reality. It is needed we all talk about it openly, and provide support to a woman who is struggling and not make it tough for her.

Education Does Not Make You a Good Human Being

This is a big myth and I always believed it till the beginning of the last decade. Education just makes you knowledgeable (if it does) and does not make you a good human being. The most educated men hit their wives; women who hold the highest positions ill-treat their domestic staff and the comments and reactions on social media of very educated people just show how insensitive they are. I remember, when the Bollywood actress, Sridevi passed away, I was shocked beyond words to read the comments.

We stay in a highly judgmental society where you are judged for how you speak, what you wear and eat, and how you live. I think judging others give many a sense of satisfaction and they do not even realize they hurt the other person. Whether needed or not, we think it is our business to comment. There has to be some way to bring about some kindness and make people sensitive towards others. Maybe as parents, if we can teach our kids to be sensitive, we can bring about some change in the next decade.      

(You might want to read our post, High Time We Stop Judging)

Patriarchy and Gender Inequality is Deep Rooted

Having a girl and getting her married is still a big thing in our society. Gender inequality and patriarchy exist at ALL levels in our society and have nothing to do with the poor and the uneducated as many claim. I have said this many times, it is not that we need to put one gender above the other, but to treat them equally.

I think it is the need of the hour to make our children aware of these practices. Kids learn what they see and if we have an equal environment at home, where no one is privileged, maybe the next decade can be a better one for the next generation. We need to practice and teach them to treat everyone equally. We also need to equip our children to be able to question the age-old practices and teach them to live and let live.  

(You may like to read our post, Break the Shackles of Gender Inequality in India-Raise Feminist Kids)

Technology: The Assassin

Now let us talk of the biggest boon of the last decade; technology. Social media and the innumerable apps have not only changed the way we live, but I feel have made us less human. We no longer call or meet people to wish them, we pass comments like it is no one’s business and we live a life for social media. Most people go for holidays to show off to the world and not for the experience. Family dinners and outings are about clicking pictures and not about spending time together. Technology will only grow in the coming decade but I hope we learn to use it more wisely and value our relationships more.

Wealth is Not Money

I will be honest that I started the last decade thinking wealth is about the money. Today, ten years later I think it is not. Money is essential but there are more important things which should be given more importance. Good health and relationships are the most important in my opinion. It is about self-love and your love for others who are important to you.  Other things which make you wealthy are goodwill and wisdom. These will not only leave you more content but as they say, will make you healthy, wealthy and wise. I hope we can teach our kids success is not measured by money.  

My realizations in the last decade have made me a better person. I am looking forward to the next one where I will see my daughter growing up and I hope I can change the thought process of few people around me. Do you have plans for the next decade? I hope we all have a great decade ahead, full of love and happiness.

“This post is a part of ‘DECADE Blog Hop #DecadeHop organized by #RRxMM Rashi Roy and Manas Mukul. This event is sponsored by Glo and co-sponsored by Beyond the Box, Wedding Clap, The Colaba Store and Sanity Daily in association with authors Piyusha Vir and Richa S Mukherjee.”

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143 COMMENTS

  1. Your past decade seems to be one of realisations.
    I agree society has stereotypes for everything…how we should act, what we should eat, when we should marry. It is time each person realised to mind their own business and allow others breathing space to live life the way they want …
    The only way we can change the bias of society is by building, joining, and enlarging the circle of compassion. And teaching our children the one basic rule—‘it is nice to be important but more important to be nice’.

    Here’s to a less stereotypes and more compassionate decade ahead…

  2. Arushi that’s an insightful post and some really astute observations. I liked your perspective on the prompt. And loved the way you presented it. Let’s stay connected beyond the hop. I love your writing style

  3. Oh! your blog is just like showing mirror to the society. here people are more busy judging others than looking into their own self. Education is giving degree but no wisdom. loved your blog to the core.

  5. I am glad all the fertility treatments were successful and you are a mother now. All the points you have mentioned, the gender inequality, patriarchy, myths about sex and fertility, technology and education, are so relevant in today’s day and age. I appreciate this post at lot.

    Meena from balconysunrise.wordpress.com

    • Thanks Meena. Yes thankfully, there was light at the end of the tunnel. But my heart goes out to those who are not able to conceive. I wish a woman was not judged on the basis of her ability to give birth. Thank you for reading and i am glad you like the post.

  6. Well summed up the last decade. With the 5 truths of life, you have nailed it. I totally believe In your ideologies especially the education part. It is really strange to see well educated nay over educated people behave like a jerk to prove their privilege. And I agree..wealth is not money…true wealth is health and time spent with loved ones. Good luck for the next decade dear !

  7. The biggest myth is wealth is all about money. Wealth is measured in happiness with your family, friends and life partner. It is about collecting moments which are worth way more than any amount of money. Also it is indeed true the way the society judges every being is truly annoying moat of the times I have learnt to ignore the so called society and live my life collecting my memories. But yes some issues due hurt us. Hopefully with our upbringing we can change the way our kids think and behave towards these issues amd are more sensitive and supporting.

    • I agree even if you learn to ignore there is something that will affect you. The best rather the only way to bring a change is to ensure our children are brought up the right way. Thanks for reading. I am glad you like the post 🙂

  8. Infertility is not just another health issue like bp, sugar or thyroid. it is a taboo and it can even cost someone’s life just for the sake of producing babies. the society doesn’t spare a lady fom its unorthodox thoughts… ur writeup comes as a breath of fresh air in this fast paced society.. every word of yours compels the reader to think about our actions and make amendments… this is such a power packed post that i have loads to take back.. money is not wealth for sure and ur words will ring in my ears through the night.. keep writing Arushi. more power to u..

    • Thank you Supriti for your kind words and the much needed encouragement. Thanks for reading. I am glad you like the post. Hope we can bring about some change in the thought process of people around us. 🙂

  9. Technology has an abstract form, it takes shape, depending on who uses it. Depends on the person who owns it. I don’t wish technology to take over people, feelings, emotions and relationship values in the new decade.

  10. Hi Arushi
    It takes a strong person to talk about their journey and to bring out the ostracization faced by them. Society is by and large unfair and all the things you have spoken about in your post are the sad truth of the world we live in. The only thing we can do is make a positive difference ourselves by treating others better than how we were treated. Wish you a wonderful, positive new decade!

  12. I so agree with all the points. Seeing a close family friend almost going into depression because she couldn’t have a child puts things more into perspective. From technology to kids, everything is in a way interlinked and the only way we can bring a change is to start practicing it at home.
    A very neatly presented post. Best wishes. 🙂

  13. How beautifully you have analysed and presented your thoughts. I loved 📖 reading it and agree that life has changed a lot in this ten years.

  15. Your consolidated list reflected your journey in a nutshell. The layers in which it unfolds do leave an impact on the reader who for sure would leave with certain retrospective thoughts. It is indeed comforting to know that your have realized the essence of a peaceful and fulfilling life and intend to work towards simplifying the complexities.
    P.S: Kindly edit the font color as it is hardly legible. Would further enhance the user experience 🙂 .

  16. What a beautiful take on the decade. Technology sure is the assassin. It has moved us farther away from each other. Knowledge surely does not create good human beings and money is not power. I agree with all the things you wrote. A brilliant piece of writing.
    Much love
    Deepika

  17. Such a spot-on post, Arushi, I agree with most of the points. Having struggled conceiving, I know it is not easy and yes even I strongly believe education does not make you a good human being. It’s about being empathic than educated. Very well penned post.

  18. You rocked it, girl. I totally agree with each word of your post. I believe life is not all about fantasy. We live in the real world and face real challenges. Every topic you picked it up I often talk about it in my poems too. We only know how to judge another person, whether he is poor, rich, educated or uneducated.
    I also learnt so many things and grew as a person in the last decade. Best wishes!

    • Thank you so much Deepika. Its nice if we all learn and grow but there are many who think they know it all when they know nothing. Glad you like the post and agree with it. Wishing you a great decade ahead too. 🙂

  19. Very important life lessons shared Arushi…Money is important but is not the be-all, technology we cannot do without anymore but have to learn how to use it safely, Fertility is a sensitive issue but then we Indians are known to be insensitive. Gender equality is something we have to fight for and education is not a certificate of a good human being. Wishing you a great new decade of life’s best experiences.

  21. Some excellent life lessons, Arushi. I found myself nodding and agreeing as I read through your blog. Particularly.that education does not make a good human being. I have come across polished people that treat help like dirt. The same goes for patriarchy.

    Great to have reconnected via the blog hop.

  22. Hi Arushi! I am just speechless, I have read your piece twice, trust me, every points you have mentioned here, is something deeply rooted in my life, too. I was deeply disheartened to see patriarchy this way. Truly said, society still judges us for our choices, and everyone put their own comments. This is really saddening. But we have to pray that women see better days in future. I just came to know that our angel is a blessing, truly. I convey my sincere love and hugs to her. Best wishes for you, I wish your words impact hugely on women’s life. Love and hugs.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. Its nice you agree with me but I can imagine how you must have felt when you faced these issues. We have to be more sensitive towards people around us and I hope with my writing, I can bring about some change. Love and hugs to you too from both of us. She is a blessing for sure and so are all beautiful people like you.

    • Loved reading your post. You have explained all the five points beautifully. I can truly relate to your point of trying to conceive. It’s not easy ! Also having degrees does not qualify anyone as a good human being. It is incredible how the technology has grown in the last decade. What I miss the most is our good old cameras. Where we used to get a film and click pictures ,then get them developed. That charm is lost!

  24. Totally valid points ! Patriarchy is deeply rooted and you don’t realize this even about your spouse till you face such a situation. Conception whether easy or tough is difficult and made difficult by the society we live in. And education ( degrees one has ) does not make one a good human being. Loved your post

  25. It was such a heartfelt post brimming with emotions.. It touched my heart and had me hooked till the end..You came across as a sensitive and concerned individual.. You were brave to share the most personal aspects of your life..And of course you wrote it very nicely.. Beautifully presented..

  28. Great lessons of life , your decade (story) indeed taught everyone the best to deal in life. Health is the best you should earn to lead a successful life, is my take.

  29. Arushi. Loved this post. You have touched upon all the salient points here.
    Society can be really unkind and insensitive. I agree.
    Wealth is not the end of everything.
    An educated person need not be wise .
    Hiw true all these are! Well written dear!

  30. And an important thing I do need to point out here.your site is the only one where the pics if the people who comment are shown. I had a nice time putting a face to all the names i am familiar with because of this blog hop!! 😊😊

  31. I loved your series of sincere learnings about real world and real knowledge , over a past decade, every point touched my heart, liked someone speaking through my mind, I too believe that being a literate and being educated both are two different things, literacy can be earn by holding many higher degree certificates but education comes with package of mannerism, so agree with you on this that with the changing time bar of Show off raised too high , true emotions and happiness ,left behind somewhere.
    Well written pointers Arushi.

  32. Wow Arushj! A lot of our thoughts and realizations seem to match. This was a great read because of the honesty you have poured into this post.while reading it I also realised that I got my husband, my beloved niece and my blog in the last decade.

  33. The Decade of realizations and all seem to be so close to me too. We live in a society who are there to comment on each and everything, we marry they comment we don’t then also they comment.. so it’s a vicious circle. And true said education is not a parameter of good human being I have myself seen educated people doing the worst things. I really have many times wondered where and in which school or college they teach manners and conduct after you attain education.
    I really really wish the coming decade or maybe before that, we should be able to see the positive change in the world we live in, we need to rise beyond old thinkings and holdings.

  34. Every point you mention is gold! Women empowerment is not just standing up for them, but also supporting their choices and having their backs during difficult times. And absolutely agree about education and money. For me, kindness and compassion are always superior to brains and wealth.
    Beautiful post, Arushi! Loved it to the max!

    • Thank you so much Pavi for reading and the appreciation. It means a lot to me when it comes from bloggers like you. I agree with you, compassion and kindness are important and these are things we should teach our kids. I am so glad you like the post 🙂

  35. A concise and interesting post Arushi. Patriarchy is so deep rooted we fail to recognize it when it is within us. Only by reading , discussions, a lot of analysis is some change starting to happen. And technology has been a real assassin for some of my relationships while being a boon for others.

  36. So true, wealth is much more than money. Relationships with others and with our own self matter a lot. Keep sharing and keep getting wiser with coming decades.

  37. very well written post Aarushi and I am completely agree with your observations of last decade..I also have a painful history of repeated pregnancy loss so I could understand your emotions very well. and Ya, wealth is not money, a good health and relationships are way more important than money, I think it is the age and its experience that make us a wiser person by passing each decade. wishing you lots of success and happiness in coming next decade.

  38. One of the most insightful blogposts i have read in some time. I was trying to scan through and ended up reading this twice! A thought provoking post that holds a very stiff mirror to the society and ourselves. I particularly liked the educated and not being a good human being part. In most cases education is only making people arrogant and giving them a false sense of entitlement. We as a society and as individuals need to give it good introspection. Regards. Rohit Verma

  39. Each point that you have made is very deep. The discrimination and judgment that women face is very deep seated. The way you have brought out the trauma of the women who have trouble conceiving is very heart rending. My heart goes out to all those women. For beginners, we as women should not judge other women. That is what I feel. Pallavi Acharya

    • You are so right. Women are the worst when it comes to judge the others. We have to be more sensitive and if we do not understand what the other one is feeling, no one else will. Thanks for reading. I am glad you like the post 🙂

  40. A very insightful blog that forced me to go line by line twice over! I cannot agree more with you particularly regarding being educated and being a good human being. In many ways this is a big failure of the society and the education system. Education is tending to make people arrogant and instills a feeling of unfair entitlement. We need to look at this as individuals and as a society. Regards. Rohit Verma

    • Completely agree with you, Rohit. We all need to look at it first as individuals and that is what will make the society better hopefully. Thank you for reading. I am glad you like the post 🙂

  41. Education doesn’t bring wisdom to many. The real education is seen missing in many . You have highlighted some important topics – gender inequality , patriarchy , talking about nfertility . Good post and you are so beautiful .

    • Oh thank you so much. That is a compliment i have received for the first time ever on my blog. 🙂 I am glad you liked the post and could resonate with it. Thank you stopping by. I loved your post too!! Lets stay connected

  42. I couldn’t agree more with you, Arushi on all your points. It is very important to bust the myths doing rounds in our society and change our mindset and perspective. Yes, a woman needs support and understanding especially when it comes to having a child, no matter how natural this process is. Each and every point you mentioned is worth discussing & initiating such conversations which could bring a change. Very well written post, loved it!

  43. Aarushi, you have talked just the correct things in your blog. Our society is judgemental and many times I am also carried away in this vicious circle when I have to pull myself out of it.
    And what to say about social media, the more we have advantages out of it, we also have negativity around because of this.

    • As long as one realizes and pull themselves out is good. We all are humans and it is normal for us to judge and comment. But when it gets to a point to be insensitive to what others think and feel, is where the problem is. Thank you for reading. I am glad you like the post 🙂

  44. Hi Arushi, I loved reading your realizations. They couldn’t have been more spot on and incisive about the state of the world we are in.
    Congratulations for having that perspective and for actually writing about it. Not easy to tell everyone what’s wrong with the world, but so important nevertheless for us to take stock so we can make the next decade better.
    Thank you for pointing these things out so we can learn from our past, and make the next ten years better than the past decade.

  45. You pointed out at such important topics today. Society and its pressures, patriarchy, technological developments and the greed for money with such ease and simplicity. I believe we have already moved towards a generation questioning the age old practices, but yes living in this tech savvy world has its own boon and bane. Its a way bigger topic for another day maybe. Wish you all the very best for the upcoming decade.
    — rightpurchasing

    • Thank you and wish you the same. Yes there is a generation now which now is looking at a change but there are many still who are not bothered or who do not have the courage to change. Thanks for reading 🙂

  46. Yes,judgemental society it is and it is quite amazing how the comments fly freely all around us… sensitivity is definitely the need of the hour…hope the technologies improve all around us enabling us to be better citizens this decade!

  47. Change is hard to accept. Most of our beliefs are so deep-rooted that many don’t evaluate the situation and end up burning people with rash actions. Patriarchy, women’s fertility, wealth, and education all still viewed by the colored lenses. This post attempts to show a mirror and successfully does that. Well done, Arushi.
    Let’s hope we empower our next-gen enough to turn things around.

  48. Society ! True that ! I remember a neighbour lady of mine at this point. I dont have a kid as of now (because we planned not to) and when I stayed for a long one month at my parents house, this lady is asking ‘are you staying here to treat your infertility?’

    Like, seriously? Did I ever ask you why your daughter statys with you even after having a baby, did I ?

    Thats how our society is. They never talk about their issues, but peeps into other people’s life.

    • So true. Talking and judging others seem to be a hobby for many. There is no level of sensitivity towards others. I hope we all can bring some change in the thought process of others. Thank you for reading. 🙂

  49. Arushi, I echo your thoughts. Being Judgemental should be labelled as a serious disease I feel, it impacts many people day in and day out. I really hope the next decade is better and we practice what we teach.

  50. What I liked about this blog hop is many of us have gathered the courage to address our personal problems publicly. That way it won’t affect us any longer. Acceptance is difficult. But with support from our friends it is easier.

  51. Hi Arushi! loved to knowing your decade through by your writing. I completely agree with your last decade. I think money is not the main factor but maintaining a good relation and health is more important than money. lots of love and my best wishes for your next upcoming decade.

  52. God! Arushi these were some hard hitting but true life lessons. I hope more people realised that wealth has nothing to do with money. Also, I really hope that people did mind their own business not acting experts in matters especially related to pregnancy and all.

    • Yes everything has two sides to it and so did technology and social media. Hope we can use it positively in the coming decade. Thank you for stopping by and I am glad you like the post 🙂

  55. Very keen observations! True there is gender bias, but we are slowly moving away from it. And, technology can be a friend or enemy depending on how we use it

  56. Arushi, you summed everything in this decade post.
    Conceiving isn’t easy, but people having preconceived notions are easy, it’s just say and move on to them. I too had my bit, later I started giving it on their face
    Money isn’t alone the wealth, wow that’s true.
    And about education

    Wow you summarized it beautifully

  57. I know how it feels when you can’t conceive after the few months on marriage, I too have gone through this, how people started judging and give advice to us. In fact my sister in law too have gone through this for 3 years , 3 days back only she received the positive result of pregnancy.
    I think it’s time people should stop judging others but don’t know when it going to be happen. Let’s hope for the best

  58. Arushi, it takes a lot of courage to talk about things are deeply personal. I really appreciate that you did that in this post. Also, kudos to you for calling out the problems that plague our society and generation. We need more honest voices like yours to bring a change.

  60. You’ve mirrored the society in such a simple yet effective way. Having kids is the only reason for getting married for people who aren’t even bothered. Patriarchy and gender equality is ingrained in peoples’ minds and it will be a while before one can truly rise above it. Glad you talked about these topics. This is how discussions are initiated.

  63. Wow. Simply wow. I liked your clarity of your thoughts about your experiences a d the way you have presented.
    I agree about the judgemental part but sadly n surprisingly it is women who is judging women more in upper n middle class. What’s your say.
    I have taken several cues from the article on what’s I don’t have to be
    And I hope your mature self will keep on spinning more articles like this for all of us

    • Thank you so much Alok. Comments like these make my day and give me the confidence to keep writing. I agree women are more judgmental than men and most of the times they are pulling the other one down and causing pain. I hope we can change this attitude in the next decade. Thank you for reading 🙂

  64. The realizations are true, very honest and direct takes at the society in a post like yours makes us confident of not hesitating to write our mind. Probably their insecurity wants answers and they question us is what I have concluded, and stopped thinking what they think. Patriarchy and gender inequality has to still go a long way. The victim/person not treated equally has to step out and voice her/his problems.

  66. This is a lovely documentation of your journey of a decade. I admire the way you have evolved as a person and mother. You have been frank and honest and I’m sure you will look back on this post as a diary of sorts! Wish I could ha e joined the blog hop but circumstances didn’t allow me to. Love reading all the posts on this theme…

    • Thank you for reading and your kind words. Yes the post has been a diary and it was nice to write it. I am sure you will join the other blog hops this year. Wishing you a great decade ahead

  67. I am happy for you that this decade brought three precious gifts in your life in the form of your husband, child and blog.

    But I am also glad that you have pointed out what has not changed even when the decade has gone by.
    The stereotypes are still there. Educated Inhumans are still a part of our society. The society is more materialistic than humane.
    These evils of society are surviving so many decades. Let us hope that they become non-existent at least in this decade.

    #readbypreetispanorama

  68. I couldn’t agree more with your words. We have entered in a new decade yet the thinking of people are still stuck in 1990s. A lovely article which has the power to change the society and their thinking. More power to you.

  69. Absolutely agree with you. Every point is so valid. Education cant change the basic thinking of a person. The deep rooted strange beliefs and customs in families are not letting people see value in being open minded. They never take side of equality or what is right in today’s context. Sad that we still have such people around us.

  71. That’s a wonderful perspective and a very nice take on the theme. Your post reflects your wisdom and am sure you have a long way to go. So happy that you participated in this blog hop and shared this beautiful piece with us 🙂

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