Who is the Parent and Why does it Matter?

At a weekend party, I chatted with moms deep in the who is the real parent mom or dad debate. They gasped when I said I never hired a maid for my daughter. Most nearly fainted hearing I skipped a japa maid right after her birth. Trust me, though they stayed polite, they all thought I was crazy.

Today’s parents often hire full-time maids for kids. With more women choosing full-time work in the working moms vs stay at home moms rush, maids feel like the easy fix. I don’t call it wrong-daycares and schools aren’t always safe anymore. We live in times when a 4-year-old gets raped at school.

easy fix. I don’t call it wrong-daycares and schools aren’t always safe anymore. We live in times when a 4-year-old gets raped at school.

Parents need help when jobs and social life pile up. But in the who is the real parent mom or dad debate, don’t let maids replace you. They should support parents, not take over. Parenthood demands real responsibility-take it seriously.

I spot parents dragging maids to holidays and restaurants. Why? If you can’t handle your child, leave them home. If you bring them, give them your time.

Flash back: Most of us grew up maid-free. Sure, we had house help, but my working parents handled everything themselves. They never delegated parenting. That built my independence-and shaped my thinkaholic parenting views today.

Enjoy the Journey
You decide to bring a child into the world so why not enjoy them. This is a human being you create and seeing them grow is amazing. A maid can be there for the child when you are not around but ensure you make time to be with them.

As per a research, for the brain development of a child, the age from 0 to 6 years is very crucial in the spheres of cognitive, socio-emotional and language development. A child is born with 100% brain cells and his development is affected by the environment he stays in. If basic needs and confidence are lacking the cells die. For a child, this foundation stage is critical as they are like a sponge and absorb everything around them. This is important for the health and education of the child.

Entrusting a maid with such a big task is not only unfair to the child, but also to her. They say when a child is born so is a mother. Your instincts will be better and you will understand your child better than a maid. She is doing a job at the end of the day.

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Problems When the “Didi” Replaces “Mummy Papa”

Be Like the Maid
As the child spends more time with the maid, it is natural for them to pick up their language and mannerisms. They copy everything the maid does. As I said earlier, the child is a sponge and will just absorb. Many language and behavioral issues have been seen in kids who stay for a long time with the maids.

It’s Her Job
How many times you just want to finish the work in office? I am sure many. Similarly, for a maid, this is her job. She wants to just finish her work of bathing, feeding and playing with the child. If feeding means tricking the child or making them sit in front of the screen, they will do it. They can threaten the child or force feed them. A parent, on the other hand, will always be more reasonable and patient and handle the situation better.

Psychological Issues
It is seen that children with maids are more indisciplined. Apart from this, they tend to be insecure, confused and have low self-esteem. Sometimes when the parents realize and try connecting with them, it becomes late and the damage is done.

Emotional Attachment
At the end of the day a child cannot reason. If they see the maid more than the parents, they get emotionally attached and there is a massive problem when the maid leaves. As the child is emotionally dependent on the maid, the parents also take them to be indispensable and ignore many things which are wrong.

Remember These Things
A maid is there for your convenience and support and should not be your replacement. Brining up a child is not easy and there are some things which no one can do better than a parent. Keep a maid but do keep the following in mind:

Quality Time
It is not about the amount of time you spend with your child but how you spend it. If you are at work all day and get a few hours only in the evening, make it quality time. Talk to them, listen to them, play with them, read to them or do some activity you both enjoy. This is a time to create a bond and appreciate the moments you spend with your child. A few hours of quality time with you will have more impact as compared to the ten they spend with the maid.

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Important Things
There are some things which only a parent can handle better. Instilling core values, enforcement of rules, life philosophy and manners and etiquettes are things only a parent can teach. Only a parent can make the child responsible and this task should never be outsourced.

Be Their Support
When parents are not available, the child will emotionally depend on the maid. Do not let this happen. Be the psychological and emotional support system for your child. Be the person who they come to when they have a problem. No one can give a better solution to them than you.

Do Not Delegate Everything

Maids help with everything, but hold back on what only you can do as a parent. In the who is the real parent mom or dad debate, kids crave those special mom-dad moments. Pick rituals like feeding dinner nightly or bedtime stories-they’ll look forward to your time.

Sure, maids make great support in working moms vs stay at home moms life. But they can’t replace parents. Handing over too much sparks kid anxiety and depression from that dependency.

Delegate chores, not parental duties. Life’s hectic-grab help from grandparents or family instead. Both parents must step up to share child time. Childhood’s innocent magic fades fast-don’t miss it.

“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their life today.”