Marriage is one of the most important relationships across most cultures for thousands of years. In recent years, it has been seen that marriage is no more a preferred choice for many couples, especially in developed cities and countries. One of the main reasons cited behind this is that couples have lost faith in the institution due to increased divorce rates. Like every coin has two sides, marriage also comes with own advantages and challenges.
I have been married for more than five years now. I am not saying it is a bed of roses but at the end of the day, you will believe what you want to believe. It is all about the way you look at things and if you want to embrace the positives and ignore the negatives. If you want to make it work you will do it. Mostly it is about the attitude. Many people due to their weak perspective are not able to see the advantages of being married and see it in a negative light.
Financial decisions and habits can become a big issue after marriage. This is more for people who have always taken independent decisions. It is quite common that one partner will not approve of the spending habits of the other. You all will agree that it is natural for two individuals to have different thoughts about the same thing. The key to this problem is to set reasonable goals and have open communication. Talking is the solution to many problems in any relationship and not only marriage.
The In Laws
This is one of the biggest problems all couples face, especially women. We all should accept the fact someone else’s parents will never be your parents but you can always make some effort to get somewhere close. As the thought process of both families are different, problems will be there. This in many marriages leads to disagreements and arguments. Firstly, you should understand is that the way you feel for your parents, the other person will also. So, if you cannot change that, do not expect the other one to do it. Secondly, try and build a relationship with the in laws and if it is causing daily fights, discuss with your partner. My advice to all couples is take a step which will not harm any relationship. It could be moving out of the parents’ house or just have a discussion and settle things.
You both come from different families following different traditions. You are bound to have differences over this. Accepting each other’s traditions and beliefs is the best way to handle this problem. I do not think it is wise to expect the other person to change their beliefs and change because that is the way you want them to be. Accept and respect each other’s traditions and never make fun of them. You have married an individual and not a puppet. Involve yourself in the festivals of the spouse. After all, it is another way to celebrate life.
A child brings enormous changes in your life as a couple. Children are emotional, needy and require a lot of time. There will be challenges every day in this journey and you will soon see your style of parenting is different from that of the partner. Discuss things with each other and try and see the other one’s point of view. Never ever fight and ridicule your partner in front of the child. This causes the child to lose respect and take advantage. At the end of the day, you both love the child and will not cause harm. Find a middle path or sometimes just let it be. Parenting is not a race and if it is one, you need to win it together.
Once you are married, you need to manage work, family, house work and of course make time for each other. All this might seem overwhelming. To many, it seems to be a Herculean task. Talk and share responsibilities. Time management and communication is the best way to solve the issue. One of you will handle one thing better than the other one. Share the work and you will be in a happy space. Burdening any one will only aggravate problems.
Marriage comes with its own share of challenges but you need to overcome them together. The best way to solve any problem, not only in a marriage but any relationship, is to COMMUNICATE. When you talk things out and respect the other person’s opinion, you will be able to build a strong foundation of your relationship. These challenges are common to all couples so never feel you are the only one. Have faith in your relationship. After all, “Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines”.