As a new mother, especially in our country, you are bound to get lots of unsolicited advice. Be it a family member or friends or even random visitors; they all will have lots of tips on the right way to bring up your baby. Having apprehensions and doubts is normal for a first-time mom, and I was no exception. It will be wrong to say some tips were helpful and loads were not. The first few weeks I was jittery but as time passed I was more confident and somewhere in my head I knew what I wanted to do. I heard all advise and ignored what I did not like.
I am not saying I am a perfect mother and I am sure some of the things I do are wrong, but I am learning. My aim is to be able to give the best to my baby and I am sure this is what most moms want. Looking back these are some of the parenting advice I ignored.
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I Did Not Let Her Cry It Out
I was told let the child cry and they will know how to self-soothe. People said they will learn to sleep on their own if you ignore and let them cry. It might work and I am sure it will make life easier for a mother, but I did not have the heart to see her cry. As a baby, till they start speaking, they can only communicate by crying. I feel the baby has to be confident of the fact that their parents are there when they need them. This feeling starts when they are small and you are there to take care of them. A child who has confidence in his parents when growing up is known to be a more confident and positive child.
Now my daughter throws tantrums sometimes and I have to let her cry to discipline her. But as long as she was a baby, I never let her cry and I was always there to calm her down and this is something I do not regret.
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I Carried Her Up
I cannot even remember how many people told me that I should not carry the baby at all times as this would spoil her. People said this will make her clingy and I will have lots of problems later on. I do not agree to this. As a mother, I think it is our duty to give them love and protection. The love we have for our child cannot spoil them as we need to support them when they are trying to understand the new world they have come to. My mantra is hug and cuddle them as much as you can. You are the mother and follow your instincts. Just remember, you know the best for your child.
I Do Not Force Feed
We as adults tend to decide how much our kids should eat. This is something I try and avoid as much as I can. As long as there is no problem in her achieving her developmental milestones, I do not care what she eats and how much she eats. I feel when we force feed a child, they do not learn to judge how hungry they are and then they tend to eat as per convenience and not out of hunger. This leads to obesity and other problems later. I try and push and feed her little more once she is done as sometimes she refuses she is distracted and not because she is full. But after a point, I do not force feed her.
I Make My Choices
There are many aspects of my parenting styles which are not approved by many. I decide to do what is good for me and what might be good for my baby. For example, I co-sleep with my baby. We have a large bed and it is comfortable and above all, I love to sleep with her. In no time she will grow up and I might need permission to enter her room also. I want to enjoy this phase. Another thing I have not stuck to timelines with her. I have let her do things at her pace and not panic if she was not crawling at 9 months or walking at 1 year. These are choices I have made and I have no regrets.
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Random Advice
People said do not the baby bounce or stand in your lap as that will give them bowlegs. I also heard do not let the baby see the mirror. Another one I heard rub alcohol to soothe gums or on the feet in fever. The list goes on and on. I never saw any logic in any of these and the only person I trusted on this was my doctor.
You are a mother and people around you will consider it to be their right to judge you and tell you the right style of parenting. Do not forget you are the mother and no one knows your child better than you. You will make mistakes but that is how you will remember and enjoy this beautiful journey. Make your choices and do what works for you.
“There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.’’
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