Never Force Your Kids for These 7 Things

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never force your kids

As parents, there are many times when we force our opinion and decision on our kids but there are some things which we should never force our kids for. The last four years of being a mother have taught me a lot. Indeed, motherhood does not come with a manual, but it comes with motherly instincts and new perspectives which help in the beautiful journey with your child. My opinion on many things has changed since Little Miss A came in my life.

As a parent, you give life lessons to your children throughout your life and I hope to be able to do the same for her. There are situations when things seem wrong, and I look at my parents for their words of wisdom, accumulated from years of life experiences.

One thing we all must note is that what we teach our child during the formative years are the teachings which will last their lifetime and shape their personality and future. There definitely is a need to discipline your child during early years but along with disciplining, there are certain things that you should never force your kids to do.

(Disciplining is not easy. For some easy tips, read my post, 11 Simple Ways on How to Discipline a 2 Year Old)

It is a Balancing Act

Parenting is a pure balancing act which needs lot of patience from a parent. Many people say this is right and this is not. For example, I have often heard, never negotiate with a child but I see I am doing it so many times.

I am not the perfect parent and neither want to be. There are times we need to push our kids as an inspiration or may be a guidance. Many would not agree with me, but in my opinion there are some things for which we should never force our kids.

Things You Should Never Force Your Kids For

Never Force Your Kids to apologize

It is important to realise one’s mistakes and apologize for the same. Teaching a child to say β€˜Sorry’ is great, but never force an apology from them. When kids are small we need to tell them to say sorry when they have done something which is unacceptable but this needs to stop once they have the concept clear.

This just incites a feeling of embarrassment and anger. Allow them to realise their mistakes, communicate and then expect an apology. Forcing an apology will only open chances of the same mistake being repeated in the future and the child be known that he can get away with just a β€˜Sorry’!

It is important to help and allow them to realise their mistakes or you explain why they should apologize and why they are wrong and then a genuine apology. I agree this takes a lot of patience as a parent, but try it and I have seen it works.

Finish the Food on their Plate

It is crucial for your child to learn never to waste food. But at the same time is important for them to know that should take a second serving if they are still hungry. Many a time you would face a situation where the child is too picky about what he eats and may end up leaving food behind.

Or you may come across a situation when the child is not hungry at the time of the meal. Force feeding will only make them develop an aversion to food. Eating habits are just not depending on the taste of food but also on the environment and temperament of the kids.

Eat together. Serve a portion which you think they will be able to finish and not what you expect them to finish. Little Miss A has off late become picky. We try and serve her small meals and if not eating, let her be till she is hungry. I feel this way she eats when her body wants to.

Sleep in their Bed

Never force a child to sleep in their bed till they are ready. Co-sleeping has its benefits and so does sleeping in their bed. However, allow your child to make the decision himself. Forcing them to use their room or bed when they aren’t ready will only develop anxiety and restless in them and at times, sleep deprivation. (Read the post, Co-Sleeping Benefits)

Never Force Your Kids to Show Physical Affection

Do not force your kids to hug, kiss or sit on the lap of a relative, particularly when it is against their will. This will make them unaware of good and bad touch and they may be prone to sexual abuse and violations even without their knowledge. Instead teach them to be courteous with a casual handshake or a namaste.

Force Hobbies

It is good to develop few hobbies right from one’s childhood. But do not force your interests on them as a hobby. Let them explore and find an activity of their interest. You may wish to see your boy playing football and your girl a swimmer. But as it may turn out, your boy might be interested in music and your girl in tennis!

Burdening a kid with a hobby of your choice and not theirs will only make them feel obliged to an activity without their will and will not develop an interest in them for the same to pursue it further. Encourage them in the choices they make and help them excel in it than forcing commitments on them.

Never Force Your Kids to Choose Their Friends

You might want your child to be best friends with the guy next door who is a genius hoping to develop some of the matching interests in your child. Or you may wish her to be friends with your best friend’s daughter. Refrain from choosing their friends for them.

Every child is different and to be friends with someone, a certain level of interests and mindset should match. Do not forcibly plan a play date with a bully to iron out the differences between your child and the bully.

This will only aggravate the negative situation and welcome the worse. Rather, allow him to choose his own set of friends. Of course, it is vital that you make sure that your child does not get into a bad company of friends. If that be the case, talk to your child about the vices and why a certain group of people should be avoided.

Force a personality

Children can exhibit varied personalities. If your child is an introvert, accept the fact and respect his choices than attempting to make him sociable and an extrovert forcefully. Similarly, if your child is an extrovert and loves to spend time with his friends outdoors, do not attempt to keep them locked in. Love them for the personality they exhibit. As said by the famous American writer, F Scott Fitzgerald,

β€˜Personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures,’ enjoy the personality your child displays than forcing him to be the one you wish him to be!’

My Experience

I would not count my experience of 4 years as a lot. More over each child is different and parents need to handle all situations in a different way. Like I said, for Miss A to accept a change takes time, there are times I need to make her ready for something new and then push her for some days. I set a limit in my head, post which I stop. To give an example, I made her join multi-sport classes. After being happy for first few weeks, she stopped doing it. I gave her three months and then stopped because we did not want her to start hating sports. Each stage comes with its own challenges and we as mothers or rather parents need to handle them.

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Conclusion

There are some things you should never force your kids for but there are things for which you will need to do it. There are no hard and fast rules. Even the above list might have things where you will need to take a stand so do not feel guilty. You know what is best for your child. Parenting is a balancing act as I said, and you do not know what is right and what is wrong. Each day is a new day and we learn. 

47 COMMENTS

  1. I agree arushi that parenting is a balancing act and as a parent it is hard to maintain that balance all the time. my 10 years of parenting journey has taught me a lot about this aspect..I usually maintain a routine where sometimes I push my girls positively for doing right things like eat healthy and regular exercise..and then sometimes I allow them to do things which they want to do. each day you are sharing great topics related to parenting and I am having a great time while reading it.

  2. Agreed! We should not force. We should explain and let them understand the pros and cons of the situations. I do the same with my kids. They do understand and I do appreciate their efforts.

  3. Agreed! We should not force. We should explain and let them understand the pros and cons of the situations. I do the same with my kids. They do understand and I do appreciate their efforts.

  4. Agreed! We should not force. We should explain and let them understand the pros and cons of the situations. I do the same with my kids. They do understand and I do appreciate their efforts.

  5. Agreed! We should not force. We should explain and let them understand the pros and cons of the situations. I do the same with my kids. They do understand and I do appreciate their efforts.

  6. Such a nice post. Yes indeed we should not force our children for the things you have mentioned. Forcing them sometimes leads to a change in their personality and they are not capable to take their decisions.

  7. What a wonderful read it was Swati. I have practiced Never to force kids to finish off their food or to adopt a hobby anytime. Things come naturally to kids and they get the hack of it.

  8. Some of the things like apologizing and eating at regular intervals would take so much patience to let them learn on their own! Your posts are very sensible and informative. I would love to read about your parenting journey as your child grows older. πŸ™‚

  9. You have brought forward such important aspects. I must admit I am guilty of indulging in a couple of these habits…I will now be more careful 😊 Thanks to your post.

  10. I agree with the seven pointers here Arushi. Inadvertently we sometimes try to force our kids to do these and other things, but in the long run, it’s just not worth it!

  11. If you keep my daughter hungry for full day. she can leave on water . How much pick can a kid be? I never has to force my son to eat food but whereas my daughter never eat happily. you cant leave it. If you want her choice to be then chips,gol gappas are her favourite. sometime forcing kids to sleep on other bed is must , if we don’t have space to sleep all together 4 person in bed. some habit we have to develop.

    • You have to adapt these points as per your situation all the time. It also depends on kids. Some only work when forced to. My daughter has an aversion to things when forced so i have to let her be. With food, when she gives trouble which is often, we have off late stopped telling her to eat. when she is hungry and comes back she gets the regular food. As i say, you have to see your situation and take a call. you are the best judge πŸ™‚

  12. forcing a child to do something that we want is a complete no. Yes, sometimes as they grow, they tend to become self critic. That time, as a parent it won’t be bad idea to push your child (not force) if you see the potential. Its a matter of start. but if you see that it snot working then tae a set back. I am saying this because my daughter is in her pre-teens and I can see those changes..

    • I completely agree with you. My experience is limited to the first four years but i see my sis in law with the niece. they have to be pushed. Thanks for reading πŸ™‚

  13. I really liked this post Arushi. It has a beautiful message for all of us. Instead of forcing our children it shall always be better to gradually share our perspective with them.

  14. Absolutely agre with all the points Arushi. Parenting is definitely a balancing act. I have realised from my own experience that my son listens to me more when I explain things to him . He is a fussy eater too. O used to be very worried. But now I have noticed that when he’s hungry he asks for food himself and finishes to too!

  15. Nice post-Arushi, Parents often force their wishes unknowingly which we should avoid and respect kids’ decisions and choices. All we can do is explain to them and reason like you said for the food they should understand not to fill unnecessarily, and for hobbies let them explore hobbies all we can do is give choices. I agree with your pointers.

  16. All the points listed are what even I learnt in my three years of first time parenting. Completely agree that forcing doesn’t help in any way. Make the child understand the concept and give them the space theyd surely do wonders

  17. outstanding pointers Arushi, I totally agree with you whether it is about sports or hobby classes, forced to say sorry, eating and sleeping habits means like everything I have faced as a parent and dealt the situation accordingly, sometimes we need to take a break it is better to take a break to save the future loss rather than reaping the short term benefits.

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