So apart from the Sridevi death news and the insensitive comments that came in, there was something else which caught my attention this weekend. It was the Tough Mom ad. A brilliant ad showing how difficult it is for a mom to be tough with her child.
The ad is about a joint family eating dinner where the daughters in law are serving food and the whole family is sitting and eating. There is a small boy who is sulking and how everyone in the family is raising questions on her parenting. She is trying to make him eat and when he refuses two times by pushing the plate, she takes away the plate. The discussion on the dinner table reveals that the boy had stolen Rs. 10 from her purse and how she was strict with her. The whole family is against her, but at the end, she is supported by the patriarch of the family and they show a message on how good it is to be tough.
As everything else, this ad also got many reactions on social media. Some said it was brilliant whereas some said it was a wrong reflection of the society. People said it is something we should not show. So yet again, many people lost the focus of the ad.
The ad says it is good to be tough and it is difficult for a mother to be tough. It is difficult for her not only because she has to fight against the world and sometimes her husband too, but because a mother tortures herself when she is strict with her child. A child crying and banging his head or not eating food is not easy for a mother, but she has to do it for the betterment of the child. The family has to support her because it is about the future of the child. Discipling a child is the job of a mother so leave her to do it. If anyone cannot help, please stop complaining and judging. It is easy for family members to give in to unreasonable demands of the child and then complain to the mother. Stand with a Tough Mom.
Now coming to the criticism of the ad. It definitely shows a patriarchal family where there is no importance given to the daughter in law. You and me, sitting in our rooms might not be able to fathom much out of it, but somewhere we all know this is a truth of our society. Even the most educated families have some patriarchal traits which we do not even notice in our daily lives.
Showing this on TV and social media can be good for the society in a way that the next generation sees the truth and may be does something to improve things. I do not think in any way; the ad is promoting this. Men still beat their wives, in laws still taunt the daughter in law, families still comment on her financial status. There are many things which happen in our society which clearly reflect our mindset, but we do not notice them too. The recent Aamir Khan movie, Secret Superstar, shows how the husband treated his wife. You and I will think it is obnoxious, but this is the story of many households today also.
In most families, a daughter gets more importance than the daughter in law. A mother might be the most loving mother in law, but at some level there will be a difference, be in terms of the importance or the gifts given. We except it. The boy’s family is still given a lot of respect in a marriage and their opinion is given more importance, sometimes hurting the sentiments of the others, we except it. A mother is taunted if she works leaving the kids behind and earning for a better future. A mother is thought as useless if she does not work and has decided to focus on her kids. The opinion of a mother in many households is more important than that of the wife. We just except all this and sometimes do not even notice.
Yes, we have improved by leaps and bounds in the last few decades and women certainly get more respect, but somewhere still, the man is more important and so is his family. The husband can pass any comment on the wife and her family, but it is a crime if she does it. What is important to her does not matter, but what matters is what the husband wants. I am not saying this happens everywhere but just look around and you will find small instances where our patriarchal mindset reflects. It will still take generations to improve this.
The ad is giving a strong message to support a tough mom, let us focus on that. I say not only support a tough mom, please support a mom. A mom has her own way to bring up her child. There are some values which she will give more importance to, and let her bring up her child in the way she wants to. Let her decide if she wants to formula feed or breastfeed, let her take a call if she likes to use diapers or cloth nappies, let her choose if she wants to co-sleep or let the baby sleep with a maid, just let her decide. She has thought of something for the child, please allow her to do it. I am not saying she will always be right, but give her a chance to fail and learn. May be this way, she can teach the child it is ok to fail and start afresh. Let a Mom be, support her, love her and respect her. And mothers, believe in yourself, you are doing a fantastic job.
