The other day at a get-together, a friend was talking about how sleep deprived she is as her 5-month-old does not sleep through the night. Before I could react, another lady sitting with us started telling her how important it was to sleep train your baby and she should just let her cry out and not pick her up at all at night. This way, as she said, the baby will learn to sleep through the night. We all know that parenting advise is free and is found in abundance. You need to see what suits you and your baby.
Cry it out method is a well-known and popular sleep training method used by many parents. I do not say this is wrong but this is something I cannot do. While I was expecting I read many articles and pregnancy books and even before my little angel arrived, I had decided this was something I will not be able to do. A lot of research has been done for the Cry It Out (CIO) Method and many have proved it be harmful and ineffective.
Till my daughter was a year old I never forced her to do anything. Be it crawl or walk or sleep or eat. She is 19 months now and I still do not force her for many things. I did not have a very tough time sleep training her honestly, but until the time she did not sleep, I refused to let her cry and sleep on her own. My reasons for the same were:
Crying it their Way of Communication
For the first year, till your baby does not learn to talk and tell you what they want, their only way of communication is crying. I feel if my baby is crying loudly, she normally needs something. This is her way of telling me that something is not right and I need your help. if I ignore her needs, she might actually be distressed and I would not be able to help her. Babies are too small to manipulate or be naughty and crying is their only weapon to tell you what they need.
When a baby needs something and no one pays attention to them it can cause an undue amount of stress to them. The trauma can have serious repercussions in babies like panic attacks, harmful effect on the brain and separation anxiety besides other things.
It Can Slow the Development
Many researchers and doctors have proved that the responsiveness of the parents to the cues of the baby has a major role to play in their intellectual development. Research has also proved that development of social and intellectual skills is delayed in babies whose needs are not met as cries are ignored. I am not sure how much of these are true, but if a little sacrifice from my end can benefit the baby, I do not see any harm in it.
Can Weaken the Bond With Parents?
Most of my parenting ideas focus on the point to create a strong emotional bond with my daughter. I want her to trust me as this will give her the confidence that there is someone who will be there to help her and thus, she does not need to be scared and take her decisions confidently. When we let a baby cry they do stop eventually, but this is because they give up and have no confidence left that someone will help them. It is important for them to know whom to turn to when they need support in life. If I let her cry out she might lose the confidence in me and might think I am not the person who will be there for her always. Children grow through many problems when they grow up and someone is needed to give them sensible advice.
Can Make the Child Insecure?
I feel if the parents of a child are not sensitive and responsive to their needs, become insecure. Again, research has proved that children who are secure grow to be well adjusted, popular, affectionate and compassionate adults. Reassurance and physical contact are essential for the baby to grow to be independent and this is something which is the opposite of the CIO method. A secured childhood is a necessity for kids to be able to form functional relationships easily.
Causes Excessive Trauma?
The CIO Method says that babies sleep after crying and not being picked up for some time. I do not agree to this. I feel the baby sleeps as he is tired and traumatized. The deep sleep cannot be taken as a proof of the effectiveness of the method.
As parents, we need to remember, what works for one parent might not work for the other. Parenting sadly does not come with a rule book. Always be clear what you want from your relationship with your child and then see what works for you. Sleep is one of the few things we sacrifice as parents and if this is the case for a few months, I suggest let it be. You have brought a little one to the world and all he knows is you; so be there for them when they need you. Very soon they will grow up and you will miss these days. Like all other developmental milestones, sleeping through the night is also a milestone and we have to let the baby decide when they are comfortable to do so.
“Don’t stand unmoving outside the door of a crying baby whose only desire is to touch you. Go to your baby a million times”
