When you are facing the problem of not being able to conceive, it is often termed as infertility. I have gone through this phase and I feel that the word “infertile” is the worst thing you can hear in those tough times. When you have decided to have a baby and if you are the one like me who thought this will be an easy job, and when you are not able to conceive, you start blaming everything around you. it is natural to think there is some problem with your ovaries or your partner’s lazy sperms, or how your unhealthy lifestyle is the culprit to how all the tests are causing it etc. and you start hating the whole process.
Just like any other thing, if you carefully analyze, this phase of life also has stages. Let us talk about them:
Ignorance is Bliss
You have now enjoyed being together for a while and now you have decided to have a new member in your life. Now you both are excited to become parents and everything seems perfect. You are confident you will together create a beautiful baby. Now it is time to get in action and have sex. You do not time it, you just have it when you are in the mood. There is no stress and you enjoy this phase and are looking forward to instant results.
I am Curious Now
Few months have now passed and your periods show up on the expected date. Now you start getting curious and you think how your friends had accidents or conceived as soon as they started trying, so what the hell is happening here. Now Google comes to your rescue. You read about the right window to try and you understand the whole process. You get your ovulation kits and now make a conscious effort to have sex at the right time even if you are tired or are in no mood.
There is a Problem
Some people realize this in six months whereas some give it a year. It is normal for a couple to take up to a year to be able to conceive naturally. Once you want a solution to the problem, you need a doctor. Now the hospital visits start and start the serious of tests. Your partner has to go through some and you have to go through loads. Now the fun part, there is nothing wrong, it is just taking time. One doctor, I went to said this was, “unexplained infertility”. Now what was that?
If you know what the problem is at least you know you need to find a solution. The problem gets worse when everything is fine as you do not know what to do. At this stage, you start ovulation monitoring and start your monthly visits to the hospital. I went through these ultrasounds for a year except the other tests. Every month came with a new ray of hope which just disappeared with the periods.
After about six months of the monitoring and other usual tests and medicines, the time for treatment comes. You are not in the category to get an IVF but what is suggested is an IUI. This is a treatment which is physically and mentally painful for the couple. Many people do not realize but it tough for the man too.
Though doctors call the procedure painless but is not a very pleasant experience. The doctor tells you to relax for half an hour after the procedure where she lets your husband come in. This room does not have a very comfortable feeling and trust me, you cannot relax here.
Apart from the IUIs, there are other tests and treatments too like the HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) and the laparoscopy etc. and none of them are easy for you physically or mentally.
You Hate Facebook
The minute you log in to your social media pages you see everyone around you is having babies. There are pregnancy announcements, baby showers and of course, those cute pics of the little ones. You sincerely congratulate all of them because you know what they have achieved is very difficult. All you can do is to play the waiting game and running to the doctor every month.
You Accept it
After a few months or a year of tests and monitoring and after a few unsuccessful attempts of IUI, you and your partner just accept the fact that it is not the right time for you to have kids. There are many people who have gone through it and you leave it to God. You decide to chill and do not stress anymore and lead a normal life. Now this means you will not talk about it and for the sake of each other just keep your thoughts and worries to yourself. This is true love.
Now it is your time to repeat steps 4-6 till you want. You can try IVF or other treatments or just wait till you conceive naturally and have a beautiful baby. Some couple repeat these steps for a much longer time and decide to adopt. Some decide to keep giving it time. I was lucky as I was in the first category as we conceived as soon as we decided to lead a normal life. My daughter is 20 months now, and when I look at her, I know it was worth the wait. I hope not many people have to live through these stages, but this is life and we all need to accept it, but never lose hope.
“The longer you wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when you get it. Because anything worth having is definitely worth waiting for.”