Never Force Your Kids for These 7 Things

As parents, there are many times when we force our opinion and decision on our kids but there are some things which we should never force our kids for. The last four years of being a mother have taught me a lot. Indeed, motherhood does not come with a manual, but it comes with motherly instincts and new perspectives which help in the beautiful journey with your child. My opinion on many things has changed since Little Miss A came in my life.

As a parent, you give life lessons to your children throughout your life and I hope to be able to do the same for her. There are situations when things seem wrong, and I look at my parents for their words of wisdom, accumulated from years of life experiences.

One thing we all must note is that what we teach our child during the formative years are the teachings which will last their lifetime and shape their personality and future. There definitely is a need to discipline your child during early years but along with disciplining, there are certain things that you should never force your kids to do.

(Disciplining is not easy. For some easy tips, read my post, 11 Simple Ways on How to Discipline a 2 Year Old)

It is a Balancing Act

Parenting is a pure balancing act which needs lot of patience from a parent. Many people say this is right and this is not. For example, I have often heard, never negotiate with a child but I see I am doing it so many times.

I am not the perfect parent and neither want to be. There are times we need to push our kids as an inspiration or may be a guidance. Many would not agree with me, but in my opinion there are some things for which we should never force our kids.

Things You Should Never Force Your Kids For

Never Force Your Kids to apologize

It is important to realise one’s mistakes and apologize for the same. Teaching a child to say ‘Sorry’ is great, but never force an apology from them. When kids are small we need to tell them to say sorry when they have done something which is unacceptable but this needs to stop once they have the concept clear.

This just incites a feeling of embarrassment and anger. Allow them to realise their mistakes, communicate and then expect an apology. Forcing an apology will only open chances of the same mistake being repeated in the future and the child be known that he can get away with just a ‘Sorry’!

It is important to help and allow them to realise their mistakes or you explain why they should apologize and why they are wrong and then a genuine apology. I agree this takes a lot of patience as a parent, but try it and I have seen it works.

Finish the Food on their Plate

It is crucial for your child to learn never to waste food. But at the same time is important for them to know that should take a second serving if they are still hungry. Many a time you would face a situation where the child is too picky about what he eats and may end up leaving food behind.

Or you may come across a situation when the child is not hungry at the time of the meal. Force feeding will only make them develop an aversion to food. Eating habits are just not depending on the taste of food but also on the environment and temperament of the kids.

Eat together. Serve a portion which you think they will be able to finish and not what you expect them to finish. Little Miss A has off late become picky. We try and serve her small meals and if not eating, let her be till she is hungry. I feel this way she eats when her body wants to.

Sleep in their Bed

Never force a child to sleep in their bed till they are ready. Co-sleeping has its benefits and so does sleeping in their bed. However, allow your child to make the decision himself. Forcing them to use their room or bed when they aren’t ready will only develop anxiety and restless in them and at times, sleep deprivation. (Read the post, Co-Sleeping Benefits)

Never Force Your Kids to Show Physical Affection

Do not force your kids to hug, kiss or sit on the lap of a relative, particularly when it is against their will. This will make them unaware of good and bad touch and they may be prone to sexual abuse and violations even without their knowledge. Instead teach them to be courteous with a casual handshake or a namaste.

Force Hobbies

It is good to develop few hobbies right from one’s childhood. But do not force your interests on them as a hobby. Let them explore and find an activity of their interest. You may wish to see your boy playing football and your girl a swimmer. But as it may turn out, your boy might be interested in music and your girl in tennis!

Burdening a kid with a hobby of your choice and not theirs will only make them feel obliged to an activity without their will and will not develop an interest in them for the same to pursue it further. Encourage them in the choices they make and help them excel in it than forcing commitments on them.

Never Force Your Kids to Choose Their Friends

You might want your child to be best friends with the guy next door who is a genius hoping to develop some of the matching interests in your child. Or you may wish her to be friends with your best friend’s daughter. Refrain from choosing their friends for them.

Every child is different and to be friends with someone, a certain level of interests and mindset should match. Do not forcibly plan a play date with a bully to iron out the differences between your child and the bully.

This will only aggravate the negative situation and welcome the worse. Rather, allow him to choose his own set of friends. Of course, it is vital that you make sure that your child does not get into a bad company of friends. If that be the case, talk to your child about the vices and why a certain group of people should be avoided.

Force a personality

Children can exhibit varied personalities. If your child is an introvert, accept the fact and respect his choices than attempting to make him sociable and an extrovert forcefully. Similarly, if your child is an extrovert and loves to spend time with his friends outdoors, do not attempt to keep them locked in. Love them for the personality they exhibit. As said by the famous American writer, F Scott Fitzgerald,

‘Personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures,’ enjoy the personality your child displays than forcing him to be the one you wish him to be!’

My Experience

I would not count my experience of 4 years as a lot. More over each child is different and parents need to handle all situations in a different way. Like I said, for Miss A to accept a change takes time, there are times I need to make her ready for something new and then push her for some days. I set a limit in my head, post which I stop. To give an example, I made her join multi-sport classes. After being happy for first few weeks, she stopped doing it. I gave her three months and then stopped because we did not want her to start hating sports. Each stage comes with its own challenges and we as mothers or rather parents need to handle them.

Conclusion

There are some things you should never force your kids for but there are things for which you will need to do it. There are no hard and fast rules. Even the above list might have things where you will need to take a stand so do not feel guilty. You know what is best for your child. Parenting is a balancing act as I said, and you do not know what is right and what is wrong. Each day is a new day and we learn.