For two people in a relationship, it is normal to argue. I am sure you argue often with your partner and if you don’t, trust me, there is something wrong in your relationship. It is natural to have an argument as the two people are individuals who are likely to have a different point of view. There are bound to be disagreements and some lead to an argument or fight whereas some just remain at that stage. If you sit back and think, you will surely realize that the issues you argue on are not different. It is seen that most of the couples fight for the same reason. I have not done any research but I feel following are the main reasons couples fight on:
Money is one of the most common reasons why couples end up fighting. Mostly it is seen that two people have a different ideology when it comes to handling money matters. These matters are worse when only one member earns. This might be the reason that women are also asked to work these days and be ’financially independent’. I feel that the problems do not end if both earn. The wife might want to spend on something the husband thinks is unnecessary or the other way around. In most relationships, one is the saver and one is the spender and this triggers most arguments. This is common when the interests and priorities of both partners are different. Many couples do their own thing and not bother when it comes to spending their money. This seems right to many but I feel if you are married try and find a balance. Talk things out, make a budget and learn to compromise. Solve the problem rather than running away from it.
Again, I have heard that when both people work they should share house responsibilities and avoid conflict. I have a question here. When a woman stays at home and takes care of the child and the house or works from home, is it only her responsibility to have the house running? Cleaning the house to taking care of the kids and the laundry and the groceries seems is her job. This is mostly a reason to fight in Indian households where men are not taught to share the responsibility of any house work. When one person does all the work, there are bound to be conflicts after a point of time. These aggravate when standards of cleanliness are different from that of the other. Irrespective of the fact, who goes to work, it is essential all housework is delegated and expectations are set so that the scope for conflict is less.
Kids can be a topic for an argument even before they are born. Couples argue on whether to have kids, when to have kids and then how to bring them up. Parenting styles of both partners will differ as one will be the laid back and the cooler types whereas the other will like to be authoritarian. The person who spends more time with the kid or does the child related chores should always be allowed to take more day to day decisions. Most importantly, if you do not agree with the other person’s point of view do not comment on it in front of the child. This way the children learn to take advantage of the situation and stop respecting the parent.
The time you spend together can be a big reason for you to fight on. It is very normal in a relationship that one person likes to spend more time together when compared to the other. Also, it is often felt in such cases that one person gives more importance to their alone time rather than spending quality time together. It is also possible that the way time is spent also causes arguments. Try and understand what your partner prefers and try and strike a balance to maintain peace.
Either you stay alone or with parents, they play a major role in your relationship. It is common to see couples fight over parents. Issues range from who gives more importance to them to whose parents to visit for Diwali or who are better in handling the children. Sometimes, when the in laws side with the partner against you, there are bound to be many arguments.
Besides the above there can be several other reasons why couples fight like past relationships, jealousy, habits, romance and sex. It is an unavoidable part of any relationship to fight and thus, to worry too much about it is not needed. However, you must see the frequency of fights and how the fights end and try and improve. There are simple strategies you must keep in mind while arguing to ensure you have a healthy relationship.
- Focus on the problem you are facing
- Try and find our way and not work on your or my way
- Address the core issue
- Don’t read the mind of the other person
- Do not get into character assassination
- Give importance to your relationship and not the argument
- Do not run away from the fight
- Try and take turns while talking
Fights are normal and they strengthen the relationship. They give both the partners an opportunity to understand each other. The key to being a happy couple is not to avoid fighting but to handle them well and to end them maturely. Communication is the most important thing which will avoid bad fights but also help in the time of an argument. Talk about your issues with the other person and try and find a way out and compromise. So, the next time you fight remember,
“You fight with the most important people in your life because those relationships are worth fighting for.”