29
May
2017
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MARRIAGE: EXPECTATIONS AND REALITY

“A great relationship isn’t when a perfect couple comes together, but when an imperfect couple enjoys to learn their differences”.

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Marriage is about celebrating your differences with your spouse. I know we all enter this phase of life with many expectations most of which are inspired by our Bollywood movies and TV serials, but, trust me expectations mostly lead to disappointments. We all are humans and expecting things from people around us is natural, but there are some expectations that marriage does not meet usually, and knowing it will just help you adapt and work towards strengthening your relationship, after all, marriage is a lifelong commitment.

MONOTONY WILL END

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Back in college days or post that I always heard girls around me saying, life is so boring, we should get married. Excuse Me!! What are you talking about? Being married is much more than having fun; it comes with its share of responsibilities and duties, and trust me not all of these are fun. Life does get monotonous and the fun gets lost in the daily mundane routine of life, so be prepared and do not expect it to be a roller coaster ride full of fun and excitement.

LOVE IS ALL THAT YOU NEED

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I am sure you have heard your friends say, “I love him, so I will get married to him”. Hello girls!! We are not Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla from QSQT who could survive in a jungle away from parents and the comforts of life only because they LOVED each other. If you are madly in love with someone, it sure becomes the driving force in putting in your best for your relationship, but love is just a part of the deal. There is a lot of adjusting and compromising that you will need to do and you will need to make extra efforts to ensure love does not fly out of the window once you are married.

COMMUNICATION IS AN EFFORT

How we all think it is the same person so why will we ever have a problem communicating. I am sure when you came back home to your parents earlier, there were times when communication was an issue. The same rule applies here, and trust me this one is tougher. After a long day at work one of you might be too tired to talk or one of the two does not life to talk much. You have to see the mood of the person and choose your words carefully when you talk especially about him or his family. Guys can be very sensitive when it comes to these issues. And of course, a difference of opinion (which is very usual) will make communication a Herculean task sometimes, so girlies be prepared.

IT IS NOT A FAIR GAME

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Marriage is not about being fair all the time. What is fair for the other person might be unfair to you. Many times you have to do things you don’t like meeting relatives you do not care about or eating food you do not like. These might sound simple things, but when you have to do it day in and day out, you will be cribbing. To strengthen any relationship, you need to give more than what you get back, and so is the case of being married. You might not realise but you also end up being unfair to your husband many times, so it is a part of the deal, and thus, do not get sad when you are at the receiving end.

WHY SHOULD HE CHANGE

We as humans are never happy. There are many things that change once you get married. When you had decided to get married there were certain qualities you had accepted about him, then how do you expect these will go once you are married. In India, it is very common to hear, get him married he will change or let them have a child, all these habits would go. Can someone please explain how would this happen. What did not change for 25 or 30 years, why will it now and most importantly, why are you expecting even. Nothing but self realization changes a person and marriage or a child are in no way help that. So it is high time you know neither will you change nor will he, just the situations change and how you adapt and adjust to them changes.

YOU WILL NOT ALWAYS BE HAPPY

Marriage is no sure shot secret to being happy all the time; it can be very frustrating on many occasions. There will be situations when you would not know what to do and would just lose it or just cry loudly, but these are just phases and you will sail through it also. There are many times which will bring a smile to your face, and that is when you will realize, it is a journey you love.

ALL YOUR NEEDS ARE TAKEN CARE OF

Ok I honestly cannot really comment on this as my husband has always taken care of all my needs and it is very rare, I hear a no from him. But there are many girls who say that there are millions of restrictions and there is no way they can live on their own terms. Sometimes, being financially dependent does not help too, but I am sure this will make life easier once there are certain rules that are set. Be geared up and you will find a way out to handle this too.

IT IS YOUR TICKET TO SEX EVERY NIGHT

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Sex should always be an integral part of your relationship as this is the best way for a couple to bond. Usually the guys expect you wearing your baby dolls every night for them or trying some new position. Many times, at the end of the day you just want to get into your pyjamas and read a book or play a game and sleep. Also you might be in the mood for some fun but a football match is where someone’s attention is. So we have our days and so do they. Communicate and strike a balance. It will not always a honeymoon period, but I am sure you can add some zing.

A successful and happy marriage needs a strong foundation which will be built on your common beliefs, love, interests and selflessness but these should not be held back because of expectations that could not be met. Life has something in store for everyone and it is not always about what we dreamed of. Enjoy your differences and have realistic expectations. You need to find a way to adjust and if you are ready for some bumps, the journey is worth every moment. Marriage is wonderful and staying with someone who loves you for everything. As someone said, “I’m not telling you it is going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it”

 

 

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