Do you also sometimes sit and wonder why did you get married to your partner? When your best friend asks you how did you decide that this was the man you wanted to spend your life with, do you have an answer? Honestly, I do not. This question takes me ten years back when I first met my husband. He was a typical Punjabi boy who was loud, loved his alcohol, and was super confident and undoubtedly, a lot of fun. He was basically the kind of guy a possessive and conservative father would never approve of.
I still went ahead and became friends with him. When my other friends met him, they liked him but when we started dating, they were shocked. They thought how a no-nonsense girl like me who was super careful of what she spoke and did, be in love with someone like this. I did not know then if it was love or an infatuation or just a perfect example of “opposites attract’. When I think back now, I feel I was this hard core romantic movie fan and being an Arian just added to it. It was just the urge to fall in love.
We dated, we broke off but there was something that always kept us connected. We were ‘just friends’ for the longest time and then one day he popped the question and I said yes. We convinced parents and we finally got married. In all these years, I just wanted to be with him and I was happy and secured with him around. But was that all I wanted to be married for. The answer is yes and no both.
Yes, because if you are not happy and yourself in the presence of someone, you just cannot spend your life with them. That whole feeling of love and care is important. No, because it is not only what you want. In all the years we had known each other, I was always sure this man is someone who will take care of me and be there for me always. It was that security which only my father had given me till then. He was doing well in life and was ambitious. We shared lot of interests but there were many we did not, but we always adjusted. I was comfortable with his family. He was not Tom Cruise to look at but there was something which I found to be very hot. So basically, somewhere in my mind most of the things a young girl would want were there but most importantly, I was myself with him.
Two years later, when my best friend broke off with her boyfriend and now was looking at arranged marriages, she asked me what should she see when she meets the boy. I was stumped. I did not know what to tell her. I had got married to a good friend and I never knew what the checklist was. But yes, every time my mother got a proposal I compared to him and said no.
I honestly do not know how you will decide whom to get married to. I guess it is just your instinct and your comfort level. I strongly believe, each one of us has different expectations in life and the priorities vary. Communication and commitment is what will be a strong foundation to a happy marriage. If you can talk and connect to the person you have hit the right chord. We all run after things which are materialistic but trust me at some point they become nonexistent. So just see you are choosing a true person and all you need to do is be true to him. There is no assurance if a love marriage would last or an arranged one; the success of a marriage is not dependent on the factor how you first met the man but on how you both took it forward. So, I followed my instincts but the day I got married, I had decided, “I will make this work!!”